


His Nurse

by Smoothchanyeol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Coma, Doctor/Patient, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26464249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smoothchanyeol/pseuds/Smoothchanyeol
Summary: Chanyeol always pushed his limits as an idol. One night, he takes it too far. He falls asleep while driving his scooter and ends up in the hospital. He hates feeling trapped in his bed. That is, until he meets night nurse Kai.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 9
Kudos: 37





	His Nurse

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there  
> I have always wanted to write something angsty, so here it is. I hope you'll give it a try!
> 
> Disclaimer 1: I do not claim to have actual knowledge about comas or the way a nurse/hospital works. This is purely a work of fiction, for joy (angst) and entertainment.  
> Disclaimer 2: English isn't my first language. I'm still trying to improve.

"I try to work as much as I can,” he said, “but they keep sending me home,” frustration clearly lacing his voice. “I know they mean well and it’s for my own health and safety as well as for others, but I need those hours.” After each passing word, his voice had started to tremble more and more. He was at the brink of crying. 

He sucked in a shaky breath. 

There was a pause. 

"That’s why I’ve taken matters into my own hands.” Another pause, as if he was trying to swallow away a deep secret. And then he laughed nervously short, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I guess I just... needed to get it off of my chest. The company can’t know about this. My boss would fire me on the spot. I can’t talk about this with anyone else. But you probably understand, right? You’re a hard-working man yourself. Maybe...” He seemed to be doubting the conversation for a moment, but still continued. “Maybe you could give me some advice?” He sounded so small all of a sudden, so vulnerable. 

But before the other man could answer him, they had to part ways. 

Adrenaline rushing through the veins and the heart beating a million times per minute as cold sweat starts to form all over the body. The throat runs dry, thoughts become unclear and the fight or flight response gets activated. 

Chanyeol wasn’t feeling any of that despite knowing something was severely wrong. There was a disconnection with his body – it didn’t matter how much he tried to move, there was only _nothingness_. 

At one point he started fading in and out of consciousness. He heard voices screaming. Or were they talking? Who did they even belong to? 

Time passed. Just like it had always done; it ticked away and ate everything in its path. But he wasn’t there to witness it. Because without him knowing, hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks. Three full weeks. 

And then, someone turned on the lights. 

Dread washed over him when a piece of consciousness returned, and with it, a sharp pain. 

He tried his hardest to open his eyes but black blobs kept invading his sight, making him unable to see where he was. But where he hadn’t been able to feel his body before, he now finally could. Although he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing; it felt like his entire being was throbbing with a dull pain. His chest hurt the most. Something was stuck in his throat. He had to get it out, now. 

Control over his arms and hands returned slowly and it almost felt like they weren’t his own. His whole body felt wrong. But he knew he had to unstuck his throat. And so he started pulling and tugging, his muscles screaming for him to stop, his fingers almost unable to grasp the thing plunging into his mouth. But after finding a bit more strength, he managed to get it out. It made him gag in the process. 

And then he was suffocating. 

He never knew he could make such horrid sounds until that moment. He gasped for air, his throat burning, his head tilting backwards and his hands clamping down onto the fabrics beneath him. 

“Sssh,” someone shushed, “it’s okay, Chanyeol, you’re fine,” a soothing voice tried to lull him to calm down. But he couldn’t - how could he when he was literally choking to death? 

However, the black spots in his vision started to disappear like clouds evaporating into thin air, leaving nothing behind but clear skies – or in his case; a white ceiling. 

“You’re doing great, Chanyeol. In and out.” It was a female voice, coming from somewhere beside him. 

After a few more ragged breaths, he started to calm down when he realised he hadn’t been choking at all. And the thing he had pulled out of his throat hadn’t been there to restrict him of his breathing; it had helped him. 

He just wasn’t used to breathing on his own anymore. 

He blinked a couple of times, his eyes felt dry and the luminescent lights were too harsh, making him squint. His chest was still rapidly going up and down, but at least he had calmed himself down a little bit. Or, well, the voice had helped him with that. 

A female face appeared above him. Worried eyes staring back at him as she seemed to be checking up on him. She was wearing blue. A nurse? 

But he wasn’t given the strength to find out what had happened as he slipped back into darkness. 

“Take some rest,” the nurse said as she smiled sweetly at him. 

He pulled the corners of his mouth upwards, not wanting to seem ungrateful for her help. But as soon as she left, his face fell. He was tired. He was always tired. The last couple of days had been hard on him, not only because he discovered he had been in a coma for three weeks, but his strength was completely gone as well. After lying still for so many days, his muscles were gone. It basically made him bedridden and he knew he had a long way to go until he would be able to dance and perform again. 

But that wasn’t his only loss; he almost couldn’t speak – the sentences weren’t coming out straight and his tongue wasn't moving in the way he wanted it to. 

The only positive thing was standing next to his bed; his infusion pump. Although his two broken ribs and his collapsed lung had already started healing while he had been out, he was still in an uncomfortable pain. 

He swallowed, staring at the boring white ceiling as he tried to recall everything that had happened to him before the accident. 

The accident... 

He had been so stupid. Not only had he endangered his own life, but those of others as well. Driving while knowing he was tired – he shivered as he thought about it. 

He hated himself. And somewhere deep inside, he wished he hadn't woken up from his coma. The shame of his actions was too great – too painful. How could he even live with himself after all of this? 

Yes, he had only hurt himself that night. But it could’ve been a lot worse. He could’ve killed someone. 

“Wallowing again?” a familiar voice said, accompanied by the man to whom it belonged to as he stepped inside the room. “It’s all over your face,” Baekhyun said as he had probably seen him raise his brows questioningly. He sat down on the chair next to his bed, laying one hand on his blanket-covered knee before squeezing it softly. “You should stop blaming yourself, Chanyeol.” 

“Never.” It came out soft and it was a short answer – shorter than he would’ve liked. But he didn’t have the strength yet to form full sentences. 

Baekhyun shook his head slowly and sighed, his eyes traveling from his face to his toes and back to his face again. “How are you feeling?” he asked. “We miss you. _I_ miss you.” 

This only made Chanyeol feel sorrier for himself. He had fucked up big time, but he also missed working. And he missed his friends. 

He swallowed. He already knew Baekhyun couldn’t stay long – his eyes were already starting to droop. “I’ll be fine,” he said, wanting to say how he was going to be fine and how he didn’t need to ask him every time he stopped by. He didn’t want to come across as weak. Even though he literally was. 

“You better make sure you’ll be fine,” Baekhyun said, “I miss arguing with my best friend.” He had been doing so well at keeping his chin up high, but his voice breaking in the midst of his sentence, gave his sadness away. 

And the fact that Chanyeol was the cause of his sadness, made him want to cry, too. But he couldn’t even do that. He couldn’t even cry out of self-pity, or cry because he missed others. His body was just not complying with anything. 

The doctors had said he had to give his body and his mental state some time to recover from the initial shock. Something he found difficult as it wasn’t just fixable in a day, sadly. It could take weeks before he would be partly back to his old self. Months before he would be able to try a dance-routine. 

He had blocked out the other words they had told him. He didn’t want to think about a future without dancing and singing. He was going to be fine. He just had to have patience and work hard once his body and mind allowed him to. 

“I’ll let you have some rest,” Baekhyun said, raising from the chair. The hand on the knee disappeared, only to reappear on Chanyeol’s cheek. His fingers caressing him as if he would break under the lightest touch. “Promise me you’re going to give yourself all the rest you need, okay?” 

He looked up at him, his lips parting as he felt a dire urge to hug Baekhyun. “Yes,” he said breathlessly. 

“Good,” Baekhyun almost bit out. 

Chanyeol could tell he was fighting back tears. Baekhyun had already cried the first time they had seen each other after he had woken up. He had cried until Chanyeol had fallen asleep. And now, it seemed like he didn’t want to cry in front of him anymore. 

“Sleep well, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s hand left his cheek. And then his best friend disappeared, leaving him behind in a room of greys and whites and the soft – almost unnoticeable – sounds of the equipment next to his bed. 

The rain was pelting against his window. The curtain was closed, but it didn’t keep the noise of the storm at bay. It only made him more nervous; not being able to see the storm with his own two eyes. He wanted to crawl out of his hospital bed so badly, but he could barely lift a leg without tiredness crashing over him. 

His bed was his cage. Keeping him from everything. And he hated it. He hated all of this. More than once did he want to scream at himself; it was all his own fault, after all. He wished he could turn back time. 

He wished he had never climbed onto his scooter that night. 

Staring at things was getting boring. His room held nothing interesting. Yes, he had a television, but he didn’t feel like using it. It would only remind him how the world kept turning while he was stuck, not being able to practise – how he missed moving his body to the beat, and how he missed using his voice to catch the right notes. 

He traced his tongue over his cracked lips. The air inside the hospital was so dry, it made him wish he could stick his head out into the pouring rain. 

Where was sleep when he needed it most? 

The dim light of the lamp next to his bed casted lazy shadows throughout his room. He knew it was around midnight. He was usually asleep during this time. And only awake during the day when he needed to listen to the nurses and doctors and do his exercises. 

The door suddenly slid open. 

His gaze shot towards the unexpected movement. A man walked in, clad in blue. The question marks were probably visible in his own eyes as the male nurse started smiling at him – a warm expression and he seemed to light up the entire room with it. 

“Good evening.” His voice was like coming home. “Can’t sleep?” he asked, his words a whisper as he made his way over. And while he was checking up on Chanyeol’s statistics, his eyes flickered down towards him. 

Chanyeol’s heart skipped a beat. He slowly shook his head once. 

The nurse gave him a reassuring smile, his eyes squinting along with his smile a little, giving him a sincere look. “You’re making good progress,” he said, hanging the clipboard back onto the edge of his bed. The man seemed completely at ease with his surroundings; he easily made his way over towards the window, pulling the curtain aside. “Shall I keep it open for you?” 

He swallowed again. He wanted to try and speak. His lips parted and he searched for the right word. It was a simple one. “Please.” It was a small victory – he had spoken without stuttering or slurring. 

“Okay,” the nurse said. And then he turned back towards Chanyeol, hands lazily sticking into the pockets of his trousers. 

The dim light softly stroked the nurse’s face, accentuating his plump lips, his cheekbones and his honey coloured skin. Something interesting to look at, at last. 

But then he started to move and Chanyeol felt a pang of loneliness shoot through his body. 

“Wait!” 

The nurse halted in his tracks, curiosity in his eyes as his brows raised slightly. “Do you need my help?” His eyes roamed Chanyeol’s body before landing on the table next to him. 

Chanyeol knew there was not much to see; just an empty cup and flowers from Baekhyun. 

“Do you want some water?” 

He nodded; glad he didn’t have to strain his voice to ask for it. And after a few seconds of waiting, the man came back with a glass filled with water. 

“Here,” he said, “let me help you.” He helped Chanyeol sit upright by pressing a button, making the bed change position. And then the nurse leaned in, offering the rim of glass to Chanyeol as he held it against his lips. 

The water was refreshing. But the company of the nurse meant more to him. 

“Thanks,” he said lowly as he pulled his head back a little, signalling he was done drinking. 

“No problem.” He put the glass down next to him and Chanyeol knew he was going to leave again if he wasn’t going to ask for a favour. 

“What is your name?” A whole sentence in one breath. 

This made the nurse’s eyes widen a little. His fingers lingered on the chair next to the bed, he seemed to be hesitating. And then he sat down, surprising Chanyeol. Surely, he couldn’t stay in his room for too long? 

Chanyeol couldn’t help but stare at his neatly styled hair; it was pushed back from his face, but a few locks still stubbornly fell to the front, almost teasingly so. He felt an urge to stick out his hand to fix it, but he knew he couldn’t. 

“My name is Kai.” 

Kai. It suited him. He wondered what his full name was, but he wasn’t going to pry. 

He was about to open his mouth to introduce himself to Kai, when the man raised his hand. 

“I know you’re having trouble speaking,” he said. “It’s not uncommon after waking up from a long coma. Don’t push yourself too much.” 

This silenced Chanyeol. And it even made him feel a little bit disappointed. He wanted to use his voice again, he needed to train. Even if it was past midnight and the only one keeping him company was a nurse. 

“Just nod or shake your head, okay?” he said, tilting his head a little, making him look ten years younger all of a sudden. The warmth in his expression was making Chanyeol’s cheeks heat up. He didn’t even know the guy, but something about him was luring him in. 

Or maybe it was just his medication acting up. 

Kai looked around the room for a moment. “You’re lucky you have a room all to yourself. Most people have to share.” 

He wasn’t lucky at all; he was lonely. But he wasn’t about to contradict the nurse – he wasn’t even allowed to speak anyway. 

As soon as Kai’s brown eyes landed back on Chanyeol, he felt like he needed to look away from him. But he didn’t. Whatever it was that was making him feel like a schoolboy having a crush on his teacher, he was just going to endure it and blame it on the medication and the fact that his brain had taken quite a hit during his accident. 

His hands laid still next to his body, his fingers unconsciously started to grip the blanket beneath him as he listened to the calming voice of the nurse who was taking his sweet time accompanying him. 

“I got into work tonight just on time. The storm started as soon as I had stepped inside the hospital,” he said, chuckling softly. “Wouldn’t want to start my shift completely soaked.” 

_Completely soaked._ Chanyeol swallowed uneasily. His mind wandering as he pictured Kai’s uniform wet from the rain, the fabric clinging to his skin. 

Fantasizing about a nurse he had only just met. Yup, he had completely lost it. He wanted to keep blaming the meds, but it could be the lingering effects of his coma as well. 

He was glad Kai didn’t want him to speak – he wouldn’t trust his voice at the moment. 

“Are you okay?” 

Chanyeol only then noticed how he was slightly grimacing at the man and he quickly pulled his face straight, nodding as he probably came across as some sort of weirdo. 

“Do you want to sleep? Do you want me to leave?” his concern was written on his face; his brows furrowed as his eyes widened a little, his body leaning forward in the process. 

Chanyeol shook his head a little too quick, making Kai smile as he probably realised his company was wanted. 

“I’ll stay as long as I can, if that’s your wish.” 

A small smile crept on Chanyeol’s lips. He would very much like that indeed. 

They started chatting – or, well, Kai spoke and Chanyeol nodded along. He told him a little bit about himself. How he had been a nurse for a few years now and that he loved his job. He loved helping people. And Chanyeol could tell – Kai's whole being just radiated kindness and selflessness. He was a warm person. 

He also had a sister, who still lived with their parents. She was a few years younger than he was. And he lived on his own in an apartment near the hospital. He had picked the location on purpose, so he would be close to his work in case they needed staff to be able to work in a short amount of time. 

Another selfless deed. 

Chanyeol wished he could introduce himself a little bit to him. It felt weird not being able to say anything while the other told him about his private life – albeit not in detail, of course, but still, he already knew more about Kai than Kai knew about him. 

“You’re the famous artist, right?” And there it was. And along came an image the media had created of him. He wasn’t keen on finding out which version Kai had picked up on. 

A sigh escaped his lips as he looked away from the nurse, his focus now on the raindrops on his window. Maybe him being in the hospital right now – alive – was a sign to end things. 

He got a bad taste in his mouth just from thinking about quitting. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t imagine getting a job elsewhere. But right now, he wasn’t even in a position to be wanting anything. There was still a chance he wasn’t going to recover completely, leaving him with no other choice but to quit. 

A warm hand suddenly touched his own, making him look back at the nurse. “Hey,” Kai said softly, “I’m sorry, I won’t bring it up again if you don’t want to.” He probably thought the only thing he was worried about, was his long way to recovery. But he was also having a difficult time with the way the media portrayed him as being arrogant. That wasn’t him at all. He could be sharp with his words, yes, but the journalists who sometimes followed him, just wouldn’t leave him be, pushing him to certain edges. Which then resulted in him getting upset, reading to them as being sleazy with the press. 

“I’m not as bad,” he said slowly, “as they make me seem.” Another full sentence. He was finally getting somewhere. He almost smiled because of it, but kept it down because of the serious matter he was speaking of. 

He didn’t want to give Kai a wrong impression. He would like to have at least one friend here. Someone who could talk with him daily without it being about his health. Sure, his family, Baekhyun and other colleagues and friends stopped by now and then, but most of the time, he was alone. 

Kai’s thumb started stroking the skin of his hand. It was probably unconsciously, a soothing gesture he used with more patients. 

“I’m the last person to judge someone based off of what others say.” There seemed to be more to it – a history behind those words. “I wouldn’t be sitting here if I thought you were some arrogant bastard, now would I?” There was a cheeky grin on his face and it worked infectious as Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile a little too. 

Something made a loud buzzing noise and Kai let go of his hand, taking his warmth with him. He pulled something out of his pocket and looked at it. His brows furrowed and his smile fell. 

In a flash, he put the thing back in his pocket and raised from the chair. “Try to get some sleep, Chanyeol.” The way he spoke to him, was like that of a close friend. And it felt nice. “There’s a patient who needs my help.” He pushed one of the buttons on the remote of the bed so he would be lying down again. 

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to sleep. His curtains were now open, he was no longer thirsty and he had made a new friend. 

Before Chanyeol found the energy to form the right words with his tongue and lips, the nurse was already gone, heading for the next patient. 

The next morning, Chanyeol woke up in a really good mood. And it got even better when a nurse told him he had almost completely recovered from the crash; his lungs and his ribs looked good. It left him with the chance of leaving this room soon. 

Recovering from the coma was a whole different challenge. But not one to be faced in this part of the hospital. 

It was lunchtime. One of the nurses brought him his food which looked like something babies would eat. It didn’t taste bad, though. 

The nurse was about to leave when he grabbed her wrist. She returned his sudden movement with questioning eyes. 

“Nurse Kai.” He let go of her wrist. He wanted to know when he was working again. Or was he working every night and had he simply not noticed because he had been asleep at night? 

She batted her lashes a few times when he spoke of his name. She clearly knew him. “What about him?” 

“Will he work, tonight?” 

She nodded. “Yes, he works almost every night. He's one of our best night nurses.” She smiled. “Have you met him?” 

It was Chanyeol’s turn to nod. 

“Lovely, isn’t he?” Her eyes seemed to glaze over, as if she was replaying a pleasant memory in her head. 

Kai was not ugly. And he was a nurse. But he didn’t strike him as someone who fooled around with colleagues. 

Then again, he didn’t really know much about him. 

“Good evening.” There was the warm sound of his voice again. 

Chanyeol had stayed up late on purpose, hoping to see Kai again. It was around the same time as yesterday when his door opened. 

“Two nights in a row?” Kai walked up to his window, opening his curtain. Was this going to be a routine? Well, for as long as Chanyeol would still be there – he wasn’t sure when they would fire him from this part of the hospital. 

Kai took a stand at the end of his bed, his hands leaning on the edge, making his toned arms stand out more. He cocked his head a little, a habit, it seemed. “Having trouble sleeping again?” 

He pressed his lips together, not really wanting to admit that he had stayed awake just to see him again. He wasn’t sure why he did it. He just liked his presence. Although he wasn’t sure if that was the only reason. Maybe he was just curious to learn more about him, without having it to ask to the day-nurses. 

Kai chuckled, “do you want me to stay a little longer?” 

It was as if Chanyeol’s thoughts were written on his face. He hadn’t said anything aloud, had he? 

“Sure,” he answered coolly, as if it didn’t really matter to him if he stayed or not. 

Kai wasn’t affected by his distant behaviour though. He simply plopped himself down on the chair next to his bed and made things comfortable for himself as he leaned back a little, crossing his legs. 

It wasn’t raining like the night before, making the room even more silent. It was almost eerie. That's why Chanyeol had left his little lamp on every night. He didn’t want to wake up in this room while it was still dark out. He couldn’t wait until he would be moved to a different section of the hospital to continue his recovery. He had already told the nurses he didn’t want a room all to himself; he wished to share his next room. It would be nice to have someone to talk to and he could practise using his voice at the same time. 

“Remember yesterday, when I was called to a different patient?” 

Chanyeol nodded. He had fallen asleep almost instantly after he had left his room to see the other patient. 

Kai took in a large breath before releasing it again. He looked tired all of a sudden. Chanyeol noted how he had dark circles underneath his eyes and his hair wasn’t styled as neatly like it was yesterday. 

“Turns out one of my elderly patients had fallen out of their beds because they needed to go to the bathroom.” He had averted his gaze, it was clearly bothering him. “I love them to bits, but they can be so stubborn sometimes.” The corners of his mouth turned upwards, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He just looked sad instead. 

“That sounds horrible,” he said apologetically. He could imagine someone like Kai being affected by it greatly. 

“I’m just glad he didn’t break a bone.” There seemed to be a lot going through his mind, he looked almost absent as he ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face. 

Chanyeol wished he could cheer him up a little, but he didn’t know him well enough to be able to tell what type of comforting he would appreciate. So he stayed silent. 

Kai suddenly gifted him with a wavering smile. “I’m sorry, you have your own worries –” 

“It’s fine,” Chanyeol interrupted him. “I don’t mind.” And he meant it. He knew what it was like to be so immerged with work, that you needed someone to pour your thoughts onto. 

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” His face seemed to brighten up completely. His somber eyes making way for something else; something Chanyeol couldn’t quite read, but at least it wasn’t sadness anymore. 

He answered by smiling back at him. 

“You’re getting moved soon, aren’t you?” Kai said, nudging his head towards the clipboard. Apparently, the other nurses had written down more about his situation. 

“Yes.” 

He hummed shortly. “Shame. Here I was thinking we were going to have a chatty routine every night,” he said, a corner of his mouth lifting, giving him a playful look. 

Chanyeol was rather curious as to how old he was. He could look so young, but the tiredness he seemed to be fighting right now, made him look older. Surely, there wasn’t a big gap between their ages. 

Should he just blatantly ask him the question? Or would it make it seem like he wanted something from him? Well, who cared, right? He was just a patient here, and Kai was just a nurse doing his job. He could ask questions. 

“What’s your age?” He was getting good at forming sentences. Maybe the road to recovery wasn’t going to be that long after all. 

The question still seemed to surprise Kai as his brows raised a little. “I’m 26,” he answered. “Just one year younger than you are,” he remarked. 

He knew his age? 

But then he remembered; of course he did, it was one of the first bits of information on the clipboard. And it was written on his wristband as well. 

“Why?” He seemed genuinely curious. “Do I look too young to be a nurse? Or too old to be chatting with a k-pop star?” 

Chanyeol visibly cringed at that last part, making Kai laugh in response, the sound resonating in the small room. “You look tired,” he said, as if that would immediately give him the answer to his question. But it probably did, because Kai nodded his head. 

“I know. I am.” 

He wanted to tell him he shouldn’t work too much – or at least take better care of himself. But he knew he couldn’t say anything about it. He had worked himself into the hospital, after all. He was the last person to give advice about taking a break. 

“Don’t worry,” Kai said, probably knowing what Chanyeol was thinking of. “I’ll be off from work in a couple of days. I’ll make sure to catch up with sleep then.” 

Chanyeol nodded shortly. 

“Don’t the other patients... need you?” 

Kai smirked. “Look at you, babbling away. I get why you’re getting moved to the other wing soon, you’re doing great.” 

Chanyeol felt his cheeks heating up a little, especially when the nurse patted his knee, which was not covered by anything this time. He was wearing short pyjama’s and had pushed his blanket away as he was feeling quite hot in the stuffy room. The window was slightly open, but it didn’t help that much. 

“Do you want me out of here?” he jokingly said. He kept his hand on his knee, as if he had forgotten to take it back after praising him for his ability to speak longer sentences. 

He kept his gaze on the nurse, but couldn’t help but look at the hand on his knee in his peripheral vision. 

Kai checked his watch then and his brows slowly came together as he let out a soft disappointed sound. “I do, in fact, have to go.” He pulled his other hand back as well as he stood up from the chair. “If this was a dayshift, I could’ve promised you I would come back in a bit,” he said, pulling his uniform straight. “But I don’t think you want to stay up all night to wait for me.” He laughed softly at that. 

Chanyeol laughed along, but somehow, he knew he wouldn’t have minded staying up for him – he had already done it, after all. But staying up all night probably wouldn’t be the smartest idea. It would completely ruin his sleeping schedule. Not that he minded much, but he wasn’t sure how the nurses and doctors would like it when they would want to run tests or do a few exercises with him during the day. 

Not to mention his visitors – they shouldn’t be coming all the way to the hospital to find him sleeping, as if he had slipped back into his coma. 

“Good luck,” Chanyeol said as the nurse was already at his door. 

Kai turned around, the remains of his previous laughter still on his face as he winked at him. And then he was gone again. 

Silence fell upon the room, but in the end, sleep didn’t come swiftly. 

“We learned a new choreo today,” Baekhyun said as he took a bite of his chocolate bar. He had brought some sweets along, spoiling Chanyeol once again. 

“Really?” Chanyeol said, trying to sound interested as he stared at his own piece of chocolate between his fingers. He was sitting upright, two pillows propped behind his back and his blanket was kicked off as it was frustrating him. The longer he was covered by it, the more he felt like it was restricting him. As if the blanket was preventing him from living a normal life. 

Sehun made a disapproving clacking sound with his tongue. “Don’t torment him, Baek.” He was leaning against the wall next to the window, arms folded across his chest as he casually glanced at Chanyeol. 

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol lowered his hand which was holding the chocolate. He didn’t really feel like eating it, but he had grabbed it with a smile when Baekhyun had offered it to him. “I want to hear what you guys are doing.” 

Baekhyun shot an apologetic look towards him as he quickly swallowed the sweetness in his mouth. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” 

He pulled up the corners of his mouth. “I know.” They couldn’t avoid talking about their careers just because it could possibly frustrate or hurt him. He just needed to suck it up and accept his own mistake, because that’s what it was, after all. 

The weather was nice today. The sun peaked inside the room a little bit, bringing the warmth along as the rays landed on the edge of his bed. It also made him sleepier than he already was. He hadn’t slept long after Kai had left. In fact, he had been awake almost the entire night. And Kai hadn’t returned. It was as if his body hadn't accepted sleep because the chance of the nurse returning had still been possible. 

It was getting ridiculous – it was starting to look like an obsession. 

He didn’t even know the guy. 

“I think someone needs to sleep.” Sehun’s voice was like a knife whizzing through the air; Chanyeol had started dozing off and shot back upright when he heard his friend speak. 

He smiled sheepishly at him, “sorry.” 

Sehun raised a brow as he unfolded his arms and started slowly walking towards Baekhyun, like a dad retrieving his child. “No need to feel sorry about that.” He probably noticed the chocolate in Chanyeol’s hand. It had started to melt a little. “Here,” he said, reaching out towards him and taking it from his fingers. 

He was glad he didn’t have to eat it – he just didn’t have the heart to refuse Baekhyun’s nice gestures. He had been so good to him ever since he had woken up from his coma. 

“We’ll come back tomorrow,” Sehun said as he basically dragged Baekhyun along. 

Baekhyun pouted at the whole situation, clearly unhappy to be leaving so soon. “Bye Chanyeol.” 

Chanyeol managed to raise his hand and wave back at his friend, a sad smile taunting his lips. He could’ve spent more time with them if he hadn’t had such a long night. Which was partly his own fault. He was the one who had stayed up for Kai. 

With a sigh, he felt himself slip back into a comforting darkness. 

When he woke up again, the sun was already gone and the evening had begun. He had probably slept around three hours, making him even drowsier than before. But at least he had gotten some sleep. 

He felt the need to go to the bathroom. Normally, the nurses would help him and get him in a wheelchair to roll him towards his little bathroom in the hallway. But he was getting fed up with being so depended – he wanted to be in control for once. 

He eyed the room. He could press a button and get help. Or – for once – he could try it himself. Surely, his legs weren’t _that_ weak. He could always hold onto the wall. 

And so his quest to the bathroom began. 

First were his legs. He needed to get them over the edge of the bed and then he needed to hoist himself onto his feet. It sounded easier in his head. It was such a normal task – a daily thing. And yet, he struggled. His legs were wobbly and it took him a while before he dared to stand up. But he did it. He was finally standing on his own. His hands were still grabbing onto close objects but it was progress from the wheelchair. 

Left foot, right foot. Left foot, right foot. 

A few minutes passed and he finally reached his door. His whole body was trembling a little, especially when he started reaching for the door. He pulled it towards himself so it would open. The hallway was in clear sight. 

See, he could do this. It was like Kai had said; he was doing great. 

Another foot. And another. His hands held onto the frame of the door. There was no shame in making sure he wouldn’t fall, right? 

He was already standing in the hallway then. His bathroom was the next door on the left. It would only take a few more shuffles of his feet to reach it. 

There were other people in the hallway, but they were all further down hall and they weren’t paying attention to him. Good, he didn’t need pity or help every time he wanted or needed something. 

He let his left-hand lean on the wall as he continued walking slowly. He was aware of how he looked with his short pyjama pants and his open-hanging blouse and his tousled hair. But now was not the time to worry about looks. 

His lungs suddenly manually sucked in a few couple of deep breaths. Something was happening. A wave of fatigue crashed down upon him, making him see stars as black figures danced before his eyes. His ears rang as he started to feel lightheaded. 

_Shit._

He gasped when reality slowly came back to him. His whole body shivered, but it wasn’t because he was feeling cold. It took him a moment to open his eyes and realise he was back in his bed. 

“There you are.” 

His heart jumped at that voice. 

“I was starting to get worried you weren’t going to wake up again.” 

“What -” He had started to ask a question, but he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to ask. What happened? Why was he back in his bed when he had wanted to go to the bathroom? Why was Kai suddenly standing next to his bed? 

Kai shook his head disapprovingly. “You could’ve injured yourself, Chanyeol.” His normal smile wasn’t present on his face as his dark eyes looked down upon him. He was serious. 

“I - I’m sorry?” he apologized, but wasn’t even sure why. 

The nurse just seemed to ignore it and started checking up on him. The cold metal of the stethoscope made Chanyeol shiver a bit when it made contact with his bare chest. His blouse had fallen open during his sleep. 

It was becoming too much for him and his hand shot out towards Kai’s, basically forcing him to stay leaned over as the stethoscope was still attached to his ears. He breathed in deeply as his eyes flickered over the man. The panic was still present in his own body and it was annoying the crap out of him. 

“What happened?” he asked. His memory was vague. 

Kai sighed and took the instrument out of his ears with his free hand. “You collapsed.” 

And then he remembered his little journey to the bathroom. And the sudden dizziness. 

Chanyeol let go of his hand as his mouth formed a small ‘o’. He was an idiot. 

Kai had basically told him the story of another patient falling from his bed because he hadn’t called for him. And yet, here he was, doing exactly the same thing just because he had to be stubborn. He couldn’t blame Kai for being annoyed with him. 

He wanted to say sorry again, but he knew it wasn’t going to change the situation. A sorry wouldn’t make anyone feel better right now. He just averted his eyes from the man. Shame overtaking his expression. “Please, continue,” he mumbled. 

There was no movement for a few seconds, but then Kai continued to check up on him, which was a reassuring feeling. 

“What were you even trying to do?” he finally asked, slinging the stethoscope back around his neck. “You should at least have used a walker.” 

Chanyeol bit his lower lip as he looked back up at him. “I thought I was doing better,” he continued to mumble. 

“Well,” Kai said, sighing deeply as a ghost of a smile returned to his face, “you are doing better, Chanyeol. But you can’t push yourself just yet, okay? Your body and mind both need time to heal.” 

He knew that. But he just didn’t expect his body to be so weak. He thought he had made more progress already. Clearly, he was in the wrong. 

He had lowered his head as he had sunken into his own troubled thoughts. He had never felt so unhappy. 

“Hey.” A lean finger under his chin forced him to look into the chocolate eyes of the nurse. They no longer held the previous irritation, as it had been replaced with compassion. “You’ll be alright.” 

Somehow, those words pulled him over the edge and he couldn’t contain his feelings any longer. His eyes rimmed with tears and a sob escaped his lips. He quickly tried to hide his face from the nurse, not wanting to show his pathetic tears as he was starting to cry uncontrollably. 

But Kai was quick to react as he leaned in over the bed and pulled him into his arms. 

And that’s when he broke down completely. Kai's tight and warm embrace was something he didn’t know he needed so badly. He sobbed into his shoulder; his whole being shaking a little as he let it all out. 

He wasn’t sure what he was crying for; maybe because he pitied himself. Or maybe because of all the trouble he had caused already. Or maybe both. 

He managed to let out a quick sorry throughout his sobs, as his hands reached out behind Kai’s back to clutch onto his blue shirt. He hadn’t meant to pour out his misery just now, and especially not with Kai present. But there was just something about Kai – he managed to pull out a sincere part of him that he usually hid from the public. Even from his friends. 

“It’s okay, Chanyeol, don’t worry,” Kai whispered, his soft voice soothing. 

It took a few minutes before he had finally calmed down, his body no longer tense in his embrace and he knew he should let go already, but he didn’t want to. He felt comfortable like this – surrounded by Kai’s scent which was the lightest musky vanilla. 

He could fall asleep like this. But then he remembered why Kai was even here; he was a nurse. Comforting the patients and making sure they were alright was basically his job. 

Chanyeol let go of him and leaned back against his propped-up pillows. His sight was slightly blurry from all the tears and he felt his cheeks burn a little from the salty spill. He sniffled. 

“Feeling better?” Kai had gone back to standing upright, hands stuffed into his pockets. 

He had to blink a few times to be able to properly look at him. He noticed a wet stain in his blue shirt. His tears. 

He made eye-contact then, swallowing as he saw a hint of desperation in Kai’s dark eyes. Why was he looking at him like that? 

“Yes,” he lied. He didn’t feel better at all, but he couldn’t expect Kai to stay here all night just because he felt like shit. There were others who needed him more. “Thank you.” 

Kai didn’t answer. Instead, he just stood there for a moment and Chanyeol was unsure of what to say or what to do. There was only one question he could ask; “are you okay?” 

The nurse seemed to have been in some sort of trance and shot out of it when he heard him ask a question. The corners of his lips tugged upwards, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes at all. Instead, it made him look even more somber. 

“Of course.” He pulled up his arm to look at his watch. “I have to go. I’ll stop by later.” And without another look or word, he disappeared from the room. 

Chanyeol stared at the open door as if the nurse would walk back in any minute. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t linger in his room forever. The question was, however, what had been going on in Kai’s head during Chanyeol’s outburst? Why did he look so... sad? 

He took a peek at the clock above the door. It wasn’t nearly as late as he had expected. Normally, Kai would work late shifts, right? It was barely nine o’ clock. Or was he working a double shift? Maybe that’s why he had looked at him like that; it could’ve been tiredness from working so much. 

Working too much. Something all too familiar to Chanyeol. Something he had to swear off as soon as he could go back to working again. He would never put himself or others in this position ever again. 

Kai didn’t stop by again that night, making Chanyeol wonder if perhaps he himself had done something wrong. Maybe the crying had been too much. Or his stubbornness which had made him collapse onto the floor in the hallway. 

The following days went slow and he could swear he saw the clock ticking backwards. A few of his friends had visited him, and he had laughed with them and listened to their stories, but as soon as they were gone, time seemed to have a mind of its own. 

The food he ate was still quite tasteless and nothing seemed to be able to really entertain him. But he was, in fact, making progress – he had finally made it towards his bathroom without any help. Of course, a nurse had accompanied him, making sure he wouldn’t faint again, but he had walked using his own strength. 

“Can I ask you a question?” He was sitting in his chair this time. 

The nurse stopped in her tracks with an empty tray in her hands, turning her head as she heard him speak. “Of course, dear.” 

“Do you know if...” He frowned a little. Was he really going to ask about Kai again? Just because he hadn’t seen him in a few days? “Do you know when Kai is working?” 

The woman suddenly smiled and her eyes glistened mischievously for a second. “He’s working every night, like usual.” She seemed to be wanting to ask him something – probably why he had mentioned Kai, but she just looked at him instead, as if he was going to talk about his train of thought out loud. 

“I see,” he said. So Kai had been working after all. Had he been avoiding him on purpose? 

He clenched his jaw, feeling a pang of insecurity as he thought about the male-nurse. 

“Do you want me to call him for you?” 

His eyes shot up towards the woman who was still staring at him. She was probably just being nosy, but at the same time, Chanyeol couldn’t complain. She was still helping him, after all. 

“Call him?” he echoed, unsure if he had heard her right. What did she mean by that – was she going to call him on his own phone? 

She balanced the tray in her left hand as her other hand grabbed a phone from one of her pockets. “I have his private number,” she said sweetly, and he wasn’t sure what her motives were to help him like this. 

He eyed the phone in her hand. What would he say to Kai if he picked up his phone? And wasn’t he disturbing him? Maybe this was his time to sleep. He didn’t want to wake him. 

“I don’t think –” 

“Do you fancy him?” And as soon as the nurse had said it, her eyes widened a little, clearly shocked that she had interrupted him with that question. “I’m sorry, that’s not my place,” she quickly added. 

His breathing became irregular as he thought about her blunt question. Did he fancy him – did he like him? He was kind and a sweet nurse, but that was all. He just had gotten used to their small chitchats at night – it wasn’t weird to miss that, right? He just wanted to know why he had been avoiding him for the last couple of days. He wanted to know if he had done something wrong. 

He swallowed and tried to sit more upright. The chair was uncomfortable to sit in all of a sudden. “I just wanted to thank him.” That probably didn’t sound believable. “He helped me when I was feeling miserable,” he continued. 

The nurse nodded slowly. She probably knew there was more to it, but she didn’t pry. “Well, you could call him? Or I can leave a message on his desk to come and talk to you tonight?” 

The last option was probably a better idea. It gave Chanyeol some more time to think, too. Because he still wasn’t sure what he wanted to say to him, except for a ‘sorry’ or a ‘thank you’. 

“Could you leave a message?” 

“Of course!” She almost seemed to be pleased to be a part of this. “I’ll make sure he’ll read it, okay?” 

“Thank you.” 

She basically beamed at him, “no problem, dear.” Oh yes, she was playing matchmaker. 

He had tried to stay awake that night, waiting for Kai. But he had fallen asleep as his tiredness had been too much for him to handle. 

Dream after dream floated behind his closed eyes, making him want to grasp them. He was back in the studio and he was standing in front of the mirrors. He was about to practise a new routine, when he noticed his reflection wasn’t dancing along. Instead, it just stood there, a lifeless look in his eyes, arms like deadweight next to his body and his shoulders slightly hunched. He seemed... broken. 

The lights started flashing, making his reflection look even more eerie. 

His eyes widened when he saw his baggy clothes turn dark at certain areas, a liquid making its way through the fabrics as it dripped onto the smooth floor. Blood. Soon enough, a pool started to form beneath the feet of his reflection, and all he could do was watch. It was as if he had been shackled to floor he was standing on; he couldn’t move. 

“This is your own fault,” a voice hissed. His own voice. But he himself hadn’t spoken – it was his reflection who was having a mind of his own. “You did this.” His words were sharp and quick, and there was a nasty look in his eyes as he stared back at him. 

He wanted to look away or close his eyes; anything to avoid seeing this nightmare. But he couldn’t. He had no control over his own body. 

“Look at you, pathetically crying,” his counterpart sneered. 

He was indeed crying. “Stop,” he whimpered. 

The other laughed. “Look down,” he ordered. 

And he did. Or rather; he was forced to. And that’s when he saw it wasn’t just his reflection who was bleeding; his clothes were soaked and the floor was red. 

_Wake up, wake up, wake up!_

But he didn’t wake up. Instead, the room was filled with a booming laughter. 

“Always so arrogant.” 

“I’m not!” he shouted back as he lifted his head again. 

There was an almost murderous grin on the twisted face in front of him. “You are.” 

The world around him started spinning. His eyes couldn’t keep up and soon enough he collapsed as the dizziness was becoming too much for him. As soon as his head hit the hard floor, he woke up. 

He had to catch his breath for a moment, his body slightly shivering from the cold sweat. His eyes roamed around the room as he sat upright, leaning on his elbows. A small sound escaped his lips when he noticed he wasn’t alone in the room. 

“You scared me,” he said with a breathy voice. 

Kai smiled apologetically. “Sorry.” Something was off about him. His usual warmth wasn’t present as he stood close to the door, his face mostly hidden by the shadows. “I heard you wanted to talk to me?” 

Chanyeol stared at him, a frown forming on his face as he squinted a little. Why did he get the impression Kai was standing away from him on purpose? 

With the nightmare still fresh on his mind, he tried to think of what he could say to him. Or ask. But his mind was still foggy, making him stutter slightly when he said; “a-are you avoiding me?” It wouldn’t be that hard to avoid him, after all. It wasn’t like he had somewhere to go. He was bound to his room for now. 

“No.” 

The fact that he was still hiding in the shadows started bothering him. “Then what’s going on?” He knew he didn’t really have the right to ask him anything; they were barely friends. He was just a patient. And he was a nurse. 

It dawned upon him then. He was worried about Kai. His stomach clenched a little bit at the realisation. He just wished he could turn on his little light next to his bed. All he had now, was the light from the street outside casting strange shadows into his room, but still not lighting up enough to be able to see everything. 

“I was too busy with work I’m afraid.” 

He was a terrible liar. 

“Right.” Chanyeol actually felt a little sad he wasn’t going to get the truth. Maybe he had read too much into their little rendezvous at midnight. 

“Just -” Kai let out a long exhale, “don’t freak out, okay?” 

A line appeared between Chanyeol’s brows. As far as he was concerned, he was completely lost right now. “What do you –” but he didn’t get to finish his question. His mouth fell open when Kai stepped forward and the lights of the street touched the skin on his face. His right eye was completely bruised and even a bit swollen. His brow had stitches; the line of the wound very much visible as it almost reached his eye. It looked painful. 

This wasn’t just a wound. Someone had assaulted him. 

“What happened?” He managed to close his mouth after asking that question. But he was still in shock. 

Kai pulled up his shoulders indifferently. “Nothing to worry about. I’ll be fine.” He brushed it off as if it was nothing. As if someone hadn’t hit him in the face – because that was the only explanation. Who would do such a thing? 

The nurse eyed the chair next to his bed. There was a distant look in his eyes; as if he wasn’t really in the present. He seemed to be contemplating something before finally sitting down. He had his face turned away from Chanyeol, his wound hidden in the shadows. 

“I got mistaken for someone else when I walked home the other night. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.” 

Chanyeol wasn’t buying it. He grabbed for the remote of his bed, pushing the button so he would be able to sit upright. His elbows had started to complain. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Kai’s lips pulled up into a small smile. “Don’t be.” 

Now, there were two things he could do: he could ignore Kai’s weird behaviour and start a different conversation, or he could confront him. What did he have to lose? 

“What’s going on, Kai?” The serious tone in his voice made Kai’s smile falter. “Why did you disappear after -” After he broke down completely. “After I cried?” 

The confrontation made Kai’s head turn, his wounded eye now visible to Chanyeol and he felt so sorry for him; whatever had happed, he didn’t deserve this. He just couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to hurt him. 

“I didn’t disappear.” he said, his usual calmness was starting to fade, making place for fidgeting fingers and widened eyes. “I just...” 

Chanyeol felt himself leaning closer towards the guy. 

He was inevitably drawn to him. Every time he was around, he would lure him in – captivating his attention. That's what Kai did to him. But he didn’t want to admit it just yet – he kept on blaming his current situation, with Kai just being someone who was good at comforting. 

Kai was visibly struggling to maintain an unreadable expression, but he was failing miserably so. His bottom lip quivered a little and he wasn’t quick enough to latch his teeth onto it to keep it from trembling. 

“You remind me too much of my sister,” he said, eyes glistening in the weak lights of the street. 

Chanyeol couldn’t deal with the mystery any longer. He turned around and flipped the switch of his bedside lamp, illuminating the both of them in warm light. And as he moved back to face kai, he froze. The wound looked even worse now; he could see the redness in the white of Kai’s eye. The stitches looked even more painful now that he could see them better. His skin had been split open from above his brow, almost all the way down to his eyelid. 

He swallowed. He felt like he was no longer the only patient in the room. 

“What do you mean, your sister?” 

“She’s ill,” he said. “Very ill.” He folded his hands between his thighs and for the first time since Chanyeol had met him, he looked fragile. “She was ripped away from her life just like you. Not under the same circumstances, but she is bedridden too.” The way Kai spoke, showed how much he cared for his sister. “And when you broke down – I guess a part of me did too.” 

He lowered his eyes, unsure of what to say to him. He felt sorry, he wished he could say something to make him feel better, but he couldn’t find the right words. 

“Will she get better?” he asked. And he saw Kai’s jaw clench. 

“Yes. In time.” 

Something told him he was lying and his jaw-clench was the real answer. He didn’t want to make him feel any worse though, so he nodded. 

“Do you... do you feel any pain?” he said, pointing towards his own eye as he stared at his wound yet again. 

Kai shook his head and a small smile appeared on his face. “I’m working in a hospital. I know my way around.” He had probably taken some good medication for the pain. Chanyeol could imagine how uncomfortable such a wound would feel – the skin bruised and throbbing, and pulling when you would use any facial expression. 

It still didn’t sit right with him how he wasn’t told the truth. Kai’s conversations always held a bit of secrecy, it seemed. 

“Will you be visiting me again?” 

Kai let out a chuckle. “Of course.” He then checked his watch, and like any other time, stood up from his chair. When he was at the door, he turned around once more, a little bit of mischief in his eyes. “I never stopped visiting you, Chanyeol. I just waited until you were asleep.” 

The following night was back to usual. Kai showed his face at the same time he had always done and they chatted for a while. 

“Can you get me some water?” 

“Of course.” 

When Kai returned with a glass of water, he offered to help him, but Chanyeol refused. He knew he could do this by himself. It wouldn’t be long until he would start small workouts again. He still had to rebuild a lot of muscle. And his coordination was still off. He just had to have some patience. But he was eager to get back to being a musician and dancer. It wasn’t just a job after all – it was a lifestyle. 

“Thank you,” he said, taking the glass from Kai and he started sipping on the water for a bit, the glass sturdy between his fingers. 

“I could bring some scissors as well if you want.” 

Scissors? He raised a brow at that. 

Kai let his fingers glide through his own hair, pushing it away from his face. “Or do you want me to braid your hair?” He flashed a cheeky grin as he lowered his hand again. 

“I think I’ll pass on your offer.” He couldn’t help but smile back at him. His hair hadn’t been cut during his stay at the hospital, it had grown a little bit. And he had to admit it was starting to become an annoying length at the front, especially since he wasn’t really using hair products at the moment. 

“Shame. I could’ve given you a nice mohawk.” 

Chanyeol started laughing, a bad timing as he was about to drink from his glass again. The rim collided with his lips a little bit too hard, making the liquid spill all over his pyjama shirt. He quickly turned the glass upright and away from his face, but the damage had already been done. 

Kai was leaning forward in a flash, taking the glass from him so he could put it on the nightstand. “Don’t need my help, right?” he teased. 

“You’re the one who made me laugh,” he said, his fingers already busy with the buttons of his shirt. 

“Here, let me help,” Kai said, his hands shooing his away. 

Chanyeol eyed him for a moment, a little bit taken aback by how easily he invaded his personal space. Not that personal space really was a thing in the hospital – he had been poked and prodded by doctors and nurses so many times already, he had lost count. 

But this was different. Their shared moments together at midnight felt special – as if they weren’t just nurse and patient, but something more. And Kai stripping him of his shirt right now definitely felt like something more. 

Kai had probably noticed the look on his face and froze, his fingers lingering on the last button. 

There were no shared words. Only shared looks and the sound of their breathing – which was getting more irregular as time passed. 

Chanyeol’s eyes fell upon Kai’s slightly parted lips, as if he had been ready to ask what was wrong before actually noticing Chanyeol’s expression. 

His breathing hitched in his throat as he realised what he wanted. And with how long he had been staring at Kai’s lips, the message was probably clear to the nurse as well. He could see him swallowing. 

But then Kai quickly pulled his hands back and stood up, his brows knitted together and his mouth falling open as he seemed to be searching for words, but nothing came. He turned around, facing the door. 

“Wait!” 

He froze yet again. 

“Please,” Chanyeol said, begging. “Stay.” 

It took a few seconds before Kai turned his head around to look over his shoulder. His face almost grim-looking with his bruised eye and stitches. And then he did the unthinkable. With newfound confidence in his movements, he leaned back over Chanyeol’s bed. 

Chanyeol’s heart was beating fast and he could feel it pound in his throat. The sudden closeness of Kai halted his breathing and he could only lay still and let things happen as the nurse put one of his hands against his jaw. And then there was no distance left between them as Kai leaned in. 

His eyes fell shut. The feeling of Kai’s lips against his own was overwhelming and stretched throughout his whole body. It almost made him forget he was in a hospital. 

His light musky vanilla scent mingled in their kiss and Chanyeol supressed a moan. His hands found their way to the nape of his neck. He had wanted to touch his hair ever since he had first seen him. And it was as soft and thick as he had imagined it to be. He reminded himself not to play too much with his locks though – he couldn’t leave his room with completely tousled hair. 

Their kiss was slow and careful. Chanyeol never wanted it to end. And Kai seemed to share that thought as his hands suddenly trailed along Chanyeol’s chest. There was just one button remaining, which came undone when Kai’s fingers had worked their magic. He pushed his loose shirt out of the way, baring his chest and giving him access to his wet skin. 

A shiver ran through his body when Kai’s fingers started stroking his chest. 

The kiss was broken when Kai pulled away and Chanyeol was about to complain when he felt his lips trail along his neck. He gasped; his skin sensitive underneath his hot touch. 

He held onto Kai’s hair, wanting to feel how his head moved downwards until he reached his collarbones and then his chest. It almost felt like he had a little bit of control while holding onto his locks. But he knew he didn’t: he would let Kai ravish him then and there, and he wouldn’t utter a world of complaint. 

As Kai’s lips slowly kissed their way down, one of his hands went even lower, teasingly pulling at the elastic band of his pyjama pants. 

Chanyeol felt something stir inside and he knew his growing erection was getting visible. His blanket lay defeated at the edge of his bed, the fabric of his pyjamas doing nothing to hide the tent in his pants. 

He quickly bit his lip when Kai stuck out his tongue, lapping at his wet skin until he came to a halt underneath his belly button. He turned his head a little, looking at Chanyeol, tongue retracting into his mouth. “Can I?” he asked, his voice had become husky and it was the most beautiful sound. If Chanyeol wasn’t already turned on – he would be now. 

He didn’t trust his own voice. It would probably crack if he would even try to utter a single word. He nodded, his lips slightly parted as he breathed in hard. He let go of Kai’s hair. 

Kai seemed pleased with his answer, he quickly pressed a kiss against his skin before letting his fingers wander underneath the rim of the fabric and glide beneath his underwear. 

The sudden touch of Kai’s fingers around his hardening length made him moan and he quickly slapped his hand against his mouth. He didn’t want other nurses or patients to hear what was happening in his room. 

Kai chuckled, leaning back as he let his fingers go down his shaft, riling Chanyeol up. He made a shushing sound, putting a finger against his lips before continuing his movements. This time, however, he didn’t lean back down to kiss him. He just stood still, letting his hand move up and down as he kept looking at Chanyeol. 

The fact that he was being watched like that, made him squirm. Kai was probably eager to see what kind of effect he was having on him, and he seemed pleased; the corners of his mouth had turned upwards. 

Chanyeol had to grip the fabric beneath him when the pace fastened. His head tilting backwards into his pillow as his eyes closed, the sensation overwhelming. 

A slight breeze caught him off guard and he looked down to see Kai had pulled his pyjama pants and underwear down completely, leaving him naked and hard underneath his touch. His dark eyes burned with desire and Chanyeol was sure he had the same look on his own face. 

He stopped jerking him off and leaned over, sticking his tongue out teasingly, carefully touching his hard length. The hot- and wetness of his touch almost pulled Chanyeol over the edge – he took a quick breather to calm himself down. He didn’t want it to be over yet. 

Kai took his sweet time as he lowered his head further, taking in his length almost entirely before letting his tongue glide along his shaft in his mouth. He slowly started moving, his fingers going along with the rhythm. 

Chanyeol swallowed hard and his breathing was getting almost uncontrollable as his chest rose up and down in a fast pace. He knew it wouldn’t be long now. 

The soft, wet touch of Kai’s mouth was quickly becoming too much. Especially when he started increasing his pace, going faster and faster until his body couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Kai,” he moaned out, warning him, looking down at him with semi-closed eyes. 

Kai’s eyes flickered towards him as his head bobbed up and down, he had heard the warning but he wasn’t stopping. He even gripped the base of his shaft harder. 

He quickly put one of his hands against his mouth when he finally reached his peak and was pulled over the edge. His moans got muffled behind his hand and he even had to bite into his skin when he felt like he was getting too loud. 

For a moment, he was no longer a patient who was recovering from a coma. With his eyes closed, he imagined he was back at his apartment, Kai being someone he had met at a bar or a party. And it felt good to be in a different reality, even if it was just for a few seconds. 

He felt Kai’s mouth leave his cock. And as he opened his eyes and looked down, he noticed there wasn’t a single streak of white to be found – Kai had swallowed it all. 

Chanyeol almost couldn’t believe this had just really happened. His body was still coming down from his high, the sweet sensation still stirring in his loins. He wasn’t sure what to say, he could only stare at Kai with lust-filled eyes. 

Kai let his tongue glide over his lips ever so slow, teasing yet again and he smiled. He got back into his role as a nurse when he helped with Chanyeol’s clothes, getting him into a dry clean shirt. 

He didn’t really need the help, but wasn’t about to complain either. When he was clothed again, Kai leaned in towards his face and for a moment he thought he was going to kiss him. He leaned next to his ear, however. 

“Next time, I want to hear you moan my real name,” he whispered, his hot breath tickling his skin. 

Chanyeol’s eyes widened a little. 

“It’s Jongin,” he said. 

While Chanyeol was rendered speechless, Kai leaned back to straighten his own clothing. And then he looked back up, gave him a wink and with dashing smile, he left. 

He was tired. But this time, it was for a good reason. After Kai had left, he hadn’t been able to properly fall asleep. Not even when the first rays of the sun peaked through his window. His body had been tired, but his mind had been racing for hours. 

It hadn’t been a dream, right? It really happened? 

He just couldn’t phantom the thought of Kai – Jongin – touching him like that. And yet, he had done so. 

A few hours went by. He had practised his walking again, which went well. He could walk down the hall already, without falling once. But it was still a painful realisation. 

He kept thinking he would be out of the hospital soon, ready to face his trainings again, but reality was crueller than that. He just didn’t want to face it yet. 

“Earth to Chanyeol.” A pair of waving fingers in front of his face startled him. 

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly as he tried to sit more upright in his wheelchair. 

“What were you daydreaming about?” Sehun asked, raising his brows a little. 

“Nothing special.” His cheeks felt hot. He couldn’t stop thinking about Kai. “What were you saying?” he quickly added, trying to divert the subject. 

Sehun hummed, clearly not buying it. 

“Then why is your face turning red?” Baekhyun piped in, a small grin on his face as he reached out and poked his cheek with a finger. 

“It’s just warm in here,” he said. Which wasn’t a complete lie. He turned his face a little, softly biting Baekhyun’s finger when he tried to poke him again. 

“Hey!” Baekhyun almost shouted. “That hurts.” 

“Cry baby,” Sehun said, chuckling. 

“His teeth are sharp, okay,” Baekhyun mumbled as he pulled his finger back, caressing it as if he had just been bitten by a shark. 

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, but had to laugh at the same time. He loved his friends dearly, but they could be such drama queens sometimes. 

“Now, tell us, Chanyeol. What is making you blush?” Sehun said, as he leaned his elbows on the table so he could rest his chin on his wrist. “Is it someone here?” 

Chanyeol quickly averted his gaze from his friends to the table in front of him. His glass of water was still untouched and it was looking rather tempting at the moment. 

“Is it a doctor?” Sehun continued. But when he didn’t get a response from Chanyeol, he probably took it as a ‘no’. “A nurse then?” 

He couldn’t help but swallow and he cursed himself for it. 

Sehun laughed, leaning back in his chair as he happily clapped his hands. 

“Who is it?” Baekhyun whispered, as if they were talking about a big secret. 

“Stop being so nosy,” Chanyeol mumbled. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk about his intimate moment with Kai just yet. And he didn’t want Kai to lose his job if anyone found out. A nurse pleasuring a patient orally wasn’t exactly part of their job description. 

“Okay, okay,” Sehun said, raising his hands in defeat. “Just promise us you aren’t doing anything stupid.” He had been talking jokingly before, but now he sounded serious. 

Chanyeol shook his head. “You have nothing to worry about.” 

“Good.” 

Baekhyun seemed a little disappointed; he probably wanted to know what was going on, but Chanyeol just couldn’t risk it. Maybe later, if Kai was still a part of his life – if something were to grow between them. 

The thought of dating Kai made his stomach do a small flip. But he couldn’t linger on that thought. He had a long way to go to recovery – he couldn’t jump into a relationship while he was like this. 

He wasn’t himself yet. And the thought that followed made his giddy feelings disappear altogether. 

What if he never will be? 

“Good evening.” 

Chanyeol was already sitting upwards in his bed, feeling like a lovestruck teenager all over again when he heard his voice. 

“Can’t sleep?” Kai said teasingly as he entered the room, taking a seat like usual. 

“No,” Chanyeol answered, an indelible smile on his face. 

“How come?” 

His smile grew even bigger. “You know why.” 

Kai cocked his head a little. “I haven’t got a clue,” he said in all seriousness, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away. 

Chanyeol clacked his tongue. “Stop playing games with me,” he said, earning himself a sweet chuckle. 

“Don’t you like playing games?” 

He did. But it was different with Kai. He almost felt like he couldn’t handle his presence after each passing visit. Not in a bad way – he loved having him around. It was just overwhelming to have him sitting next to his bed, his beautiful face (despite his injuries) smiling at him, and his sweet voice spoiling him with the nicest words. 

“I do,” he said, sighing. “But maybe I like them more once I’m back to my old self.” 

This made Kai frown a little. “Your old self?” 

He nodded. “I feel like I’m only half of who I usually am.” 

“Ah. Well, it’s normal. Your energy is still very low. But you’re doing great, Chanyeol.” 

The way Kai spoke as a nurse, did something to Chanyeol. He had always had much respect for people who practised jobs intended to help others – but the way Kai was sitting there, made him a hundred times more attractive. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Kai asked, the corners of his lips turning upwards as his eyes squinted a little. 

“Like what?” 

Kai folded his arms across his chest, accentuating his biceps. This man knew exactly what he was doing and Chanyeol felt his mouth run dry, his eyes now on his arms instead of his face. 

“What are you thinking?” 

His eyes flickered back to his face. He had been shamelessly staring at him. A heat made its way onto his cheeks and he knew his whole expression was probably an open book right now. “Do you really want to know?” Chanyeol said, a little hint of unsureness in his voice – what if Kai wasn’t in the mood? Because his thoughts were running back to the night before. 

He was craving his touch. 

“Yes.” Kai was being very direct. Something told Chanyeol the nurse knew exactly what he was thinking of already. 

He licked his lips before answering, “I was thinking about you and me... last night...” He couldn’t even form a normal sentence. His brain felt like mush. The feeling in his loins returned, and he was having trouble keeping them under control. He could feel something stir in his pants – he had to snatch up his blanket in front of him so he could hide his growing bulge. 

“Were you now,” Kai said teasingly so. He nudged his head towards the blanket. “What are you trying to hide?” The corner of his lips tugged upwards. He knew exactly what type of effect he was having on him. 

Chanyeol swallowed. 

Kai leaned forward on his chair until his arms were leaning on the bed and his face was suddenly a breath away from Chanyeol’s. His scent invaded his senses – he was under his spell. One move and he would surrender himself completely to him. 

They stayed like that for a few seconds. Faces almost touching, their scents mingling, their breaths stroking each other's skin. 

Neither of them spoke – the only communication was between the expressions on their faces. 

Kai’s dark eyes pulled away from his as he lowered them towards his lips. Chanyeol became aware of his dry lips and wanted to lick them, but he couldn’t with the way the nurse was intently staring at him. He could only wait for whatever was going to happen next – kiss or no kiss, he wasn’t going to be the one to take control here. 

A hand he hadn’t seen moving, suddenly pressed against the back of his head, forcing him to clash lips and teeth with Kai. There was no carefulness, only swift hot passion and the urge to devour each other. 

Chanyeol moaned when Kai swept his tongue across his lips, demanding entrance as his fingers gripped his hair at the back of his head. He happily complied, parting his lips for him. As Kai invaded his mouth with his tongue, the hand that wasn’t fisting his hair started roaming across his clothed chest. He went lower and lower until Chanyeol couldn’t feel his fingers anymore. But there was a sudden gust of wind between his legs. Kai had pulled away his blanket, revealing the bulge in his pyjama pants. 

His breathing halted in his throat when Kai’s fingers grazed his hard-on. 

“Already hard for me?” Kai said with a breathy voice as he broke their kiss, his hand letting go of his hair. 

For a moment, he wasn’t able to think. He could only nod, much to Kai’s amusement as he grinned against his lips. 

But then reality dawned upon him. What were they about to do? Was Kai going to pleasure him again or were they going further than that this time? What about his job? He couldn’t do this under working hours – if someone found out... 

“Wait,” Chanyeol quickly said, leaning back as he searched for Kai’s eyes. “Are you sure we...” He looked at Kai’s hand on his crotch, and then at his face, and then at the door. 

Kai raised his brows a little bit. “You’re worried about someone finding out?” 

“Yes.” He was glad Kai figured it out. 

“Don’t worry, Chanyeol.” Kai let go of him and immediately took all the warmth with him. Chanyeol almost wanted to reach out, to pull his hands back on him, but he managed to contain himself. 

“But you could lose your job?” he said, uncertain. Surely, Kai knew what he was doing, but the chance of someone coming through that door, or someone hearing them – he would never forgive himself if Kai was to be fired because of this. 

Kai chuckled softly. “It’s night time, Chanyeol. Almost everyone is asleep,” he said, standing up. “I have about,” he looked at his watch, “ten minutes before I have to continue my rounds.” 

He looked up at him as he was towering over him now. His eyes wandered from his toned arms to his pants – it seems he wasn’t the only one who was turned on at the moment. 

“Ten minutes,” Chanyeol repeated, his mind was elsewhere as he couldn’t rip his gaze off of Kai’s bulging pants. His head was forced upwards as a pair of fingers pushed beneath his chin. 

“Yes, Chanyeol, ten minutes.” Kai had his head cocked to the side a little, the corners of his mouth curling upwards as he was probably enjoying the way how Chanyeol was responding to him. 

He could lose himself completely in his dark eyes if he wanted to – but now was not the time. They didn’t have long and he was feeling deprived of Kai’s touch. 

He licked his lips, reached out with his hands and pulled Kai’s face towards his own, making their lips clash together in a heated make-out session. He felt Kai’s hands tugging at the pyjama shirt he was wearing. His clothes suddenly felt too hot to be on his body. He needed to strip – or even better; they both needed to strip. 

Breaking the kiss for a second, Chanyeol got rid of his shirt. 

“This too,” Kai commanded as he pointed towards Chanyeol’s pants. 

He didn’t have to say it twice. And as he was getting rid of it while staying on his bed, he noticed in the corner of his eye how the man next to him was emptying his pockets, laying the contents on the chair. 

His heart skipped a beat. The realisation dawned upon him; they were going to take it further than just a blowjob and he was so ready for it. 

As soon as his pants hit the floor and his underwear was kicked away by his feet, he got accompanied in his bed. Kai climbed in as if he had done it countless of times before. He placed a knee on either side of Chanyeol’s legs, hands now on his shoulders, pushing him back into his pillows. 

“Relax,” Kai murmured into his ear as his lips lightly touched his earlobe. 

Instantly, Chanyeol felt himself release the tension in his muscles. He hadn’t noticed he had been so uptight. 

“Top or bottom?” 

His chest rose up and down quickly after that question, his dick jerking with the thought of getting to pick which way he would want to have Kai tonight – or rather, how he would want to be taken. Even though he was making good progress with his condition, he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep up a ten-minute fuck-session. Kai would be doing most of the work, which the man probably already knew. 

“I -” He nervously swallowed. It had been a while since the last time he had slept with someone. He wasn’t sure how ready his body would be, especially after all of the drama. 

Kai leaned back a little, eyes searching his. “Shall I make it easy for you?” he asked, letting his dumb stroke across Chanyeol’s lower lip. 

He nodded, glad he had picked up on his doubt. 

“Okay,” he breathed, pushing his dumb inside his mouth, forcing him to suck on it. His other hand disappeared out of Chanyeol’s sight for a moment, until he felt something hard and wet rub against his erection. Kai had pulled out his own cock, rubbing it against his. The friction almost drove him over the edge already and he bit down on Kai’s thumb. 

The nurse chuckled lightly. “We still have a couple of minutes,” he said teasingly, pulling his thumb out of his mouth and leaning back so he was now sitting on Chanyeol’s lower legs. 

He was too sensitive already. But he was going to make sure to hold it back a little longer. He was really tested, however, when Kai’s fingers circled around his length, stroking him a little, spreading out his pre-cum. 

While the sight of Kai’s hand around his cock was nice to behold, his had more interest in the other erection. Because he himself was sitting upright as well, his back propped up by his pillow and his raised bed, he could easily reach out towards him. 

Kai seemed to notice what he wanted and stopped rubbing him, leaning his hands next to him so he could put his full attention on what Chanyeol was about to do. 

His fingers grazed his skin at first, and then he grabbed it, the skin feeling hot beneath his touch. And as he started moving his hand up and down, he shuddered slightly at the sight of Kai’s eyes closing. 

The nurses’ mouth fell slightly open as his head leaned back a little, his throat completely exposed and Chanyeol wished he could pepper it with kisses. 

“That feels so good, Chanyeol,” Kai said with a breathy, soft voice. A small moan followed and Kai quickly bit down on his lower lip. Despite the injuries on his face, he was still handsome to look at. 

And then Kai’s eyes snapped open and he leaned forward, his hands grabbing Chanyeol’s jaw as he kissed him roughly. This time neither of them supressed any sounds, not caring if they were being too loud. 

“Take me,” Kai whispered against his lips. 

Chanyeol knew he only said that to make him feel good. He was going to fill him up, but he wasn’t going to be the one to do the work. 

He felt Kai take position on his hard length and his hands shot out to hold onto his blue shirt at his sides. He would’ve loved for Kai to just strip of all of his clothes, but maybe that would’ve been too high of a risk right now. He wasn’t going to complain. 

His dick got guided towards Kai’s ass and for a moment they stayed like that as Kai made sure he wet his entrance. He could basically hear his own heartbeat in his ears, his chest was rising and falling in a quick tempo and he was ready to feel the warmth and tightness of Kai’s body. 

As soon as Kai lowered himself onto him, they kissed, muffling as much sounds as possible as the feeling was overwhelming. Chanyeol moaned into his mouth, his fingers digging into his shirt and into his sides. The feeling of the fabric of his shirt, created extra friction as Kai started to move, making it extra hard for him to postpone his climax. 

He was completely lost in Kai. 

The kiss got broken when Kai started moving faster, the both of them gasping for air. 

“You feel... so good...” Kai managed to whisper as he picked up his speed even more. Lucky for them, the bed was a sturdy one, not making a sound at all. 

Chanyeol was glad he had a pillow behind his head and neck, because in reflex, his head started tilting backwards. The tightness of Kai was driving him insane. The pumping motion on his cock was too much. The sounds of Kai and him softly moaning and breathing loudly filled the room, along with skin slapping against skin. 

He opened his eyes to witness just how amazing the man on top of him was. His toned arms on either side of him to support him as his pace quickened. A few locks of his hair had fallen into his face, making him look rugged and Chanyeol totally lost it with the view he had of him. 

He couldn’t take it any longer. 

“I’m – “ he couldn’t even say anything else. His breath got caught in his throat when he felt it coming. Kai’s last few movements had turned sloppy as well, meaning it wouldn’t be long for him either. 

He let one of his hands clamp down over his mouth to stop him from being too loud, but that hand was snatched away immediately much to his surprise. 

“Let me hear it.” 

Chanyeol almost forgot he was in a hospital then; he shattered into a thousand pieces when he got pulled over the edge, his body contracting as he came undone inside Kai. 

There appeared a line between his brows as he moaned ‘Jongin’ with closed eyes. 

That seemed to do it for the nurse on top of him – he felt hotness pool onto his naked stomach together with the panting sounds of Kai. As he was still coming down from his own high, he felt Kai slump above him for a moment, his breath fanning the side of his face and his neck. 

He didn’t know what to say to the nurse, he could only let his fingers tug on his hair so he could bring him in for a kiss. 

“Those were our ten minutes,” Kai said, sounding out of breath. 

Chanyeol chuckled. “Well spend.” 

He smiled back at him. “Indeed.” He climbed off of Chanyeol, grabbing tissues from his nightstand so he could clean himself up. 

Chanyeol sat up straighter, grabbing tissues as well. When he was done, Kai was already finished with his entire look – he was presentable again. His hair was pushed back and there wasn’t a trace from their moment together. 

“You’ll manage?” Kai said as his face held a small grin when he cocked his head towards Chanyeol’s discarded clothing. 

He laughed. He wasn’t going to make Kai do all the work when he could easily dress himself. “I’ll be fine.” 

“I’m sure you will,” Kai said, his eyes glistening in the light of Chanyeol’s bedside-lamp. He leaned in and stole another kiss. “I love my name on your lips,” he whispered. And with a final peck on his lips, he parted from him. 

“Good night, Chanyeol,” he said with his signature wink and then he was gone. 

“I think you should take a seat,” Baekhyun said with a slight frown on his face. 

It was almost a week later. Chanyeol had just been showing off how he was able to stand and lift a tray on his own, talking about how he was making progress, when Baekhyun’s smile fell. 

“What’s wrong?” He put the tray back on the table and sat down on his chair which was facing Baekhyun. 

He sighed, his fingers fumbling with the zipper of his jacket as he was avoiding eye contact. 

“Baek?” Chanyeol felt his heart starting to beat faster – his friend was suddenly behaving odd. It gave him the feeling something was terribly wrong, for he never acted like this. “You can tell me anything, you know that,” he added softly, ushering him to speak up. 

Baekhyun looked at him with widened eyes and they seemed to glisten more than they usually did. Was he about to cry? “I know,” he said, his voice almost breaking with just two simple words. “It’s just... I don’t know how to tell you this, Chanyeol.” And he fumbled even more as tears welled up in his big eyes. 

His heart ached seeing him like this. Whatever the problem was, he didn’t like how it made Baekhyun feel. “Is it about something personal? Or work?” he asked with a hushed voice. He leaned forward a little so he could lay his hands on Baekhyun’s knees where he started rubbing his thumbs in circling motions. 

“It’s about you, Chan,” he finally said, his voice barely a whisper at this point. “I overheard them talk about you – and I panicked. I came as fast as I could, to tell you this, before they would call you, but as soon as I came here, and saw you smiling, I just didn’t know how to break it to you –” 

“Baekhyun, calm down,” Chanyeol said, squeezing his knees with his hands. “Breathe.” He wasn’t sure what his friend was talking about, but having him hyperventilate in front of him wasn’t going to do either of them any good. 

“They’re going to terminate your contract.” 

Silence dawned upon them. Baekhyun’s eyes kept staring at Chanyeol, probably in search of a reaction while Chanyeol’s face just fell blank. Had he truly heard him right? But how- why? No, it simply couldn’t be. 

A weak smile appeared on his face as he leaned back in his chair, his hands now resting on his own thighs. “What are you talking about?” Maybe he was talking about something else. But the truth was – he didn’t want to let the words sink in just yet, because he knew exactly what he had said. 

Baekhyun blinked a couple of times, wetting his lips as he was slow with his answer. “Your recovery is taking too long, Chanyeol. They had to scrap a lot of events already, you know how they can be...” His voice gradually lowered as he spoke, knowing how wrong he was sounding. 

But Chanyeol knew these weren’t Baekhyun’s words – they were the words of the company. And he knew how harsh they could be. After all, time was money, and he was taking weeks – months recovering from his accident. An accident he had caused himself, after all. 

He wanted to be mad at them. He wished to shout and scream and curse their names, but he remained silent. Almost eerily so. It was his fault. He couldn’t blame anyone else. He had to make peace with the fact that he had ruined his own career. 

“Chanyeol? Please say something,” Baekhyun softly begged, leaning forward as he placed his own hands on top of his. 

He stared at their hands for a moment. His mind was mostly just blank. What could he say? It was over. The only thing left for him to do, was to recover from all of this and then try and rebuild his career. He had a good fan-base, but that didn’t mean he could easily return into the business. 

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t. “I’m not even sure if I’ll fully recover from this.” Which wasn’t a lie; he was making good progress, yes, but even the doctors had warned him about the consequences of a coma. You could recover fully, if you were lucky. But a lot patients continued to live their lives with the effects of it. For instance, losing the ability to speak normally, or to be able to do every-day things. The brain was a fragile thing, and he was already lucky enough. He had quickly relearned how to breathed properly, he was doing lots of things by himself already and he was still mostly his old self. But he wasn’t there yet. There was a long road ahead of him. 

“Don’t say that.” 

Chanyeol looked up at his friend and noticed a big tear rolling down his cheek. It almost triggered his own tears, but he couldn’t cry right now. He didn’t want Baekhyun to feel bad for him. He started shushing him, “I’ll be fine, Baek, honestly.” He managed to pull a smile on his face. It probably looked like shit, though, but he couldn’t break. Not now. Not yet. “I just need some time to process this. That’s all. But you know me – I'll manage. I’ll find another way to get back on the stage.” He leaned forward a little, reaching out so he could wipe Baekhyun’s tears away. “Now stop crying. I’m supposed to be the one feeling miserable,” he jokingly said. 

Baekhyun sniffed. “If you say so, Chan.” There came a sad smile on his lips as he nodded quickly. He seemed to be eager to believe him, which was honestly the best thing he could do right now. He had to give Chanyeol some space. 

“I have to go. But please, call me if you need me, okay?” Baekhyun said, standing up from his chair as he pulled his jacket straight. His eyes were still a little red from crying and his cheeks held a slight pink hue. 

Chanyeol nodded. “Go. I’ll probably take a nap anyway.” He knew he wouldn’t even be able to, but it would give Baekhyun some rest to know that his friend was simply sleeping it off. 

“Okay. See you later Chanyeol,” he solemnly said. He gave him one final reassuring smile and then left. 

As soon as the door closed, Chanyeol left his chair and climbed into his own bed. He wanted to cry. He really wanted to. But his whole body felt numb. Reality was slowly hitting him – but it was taking its sweet time. 

He skipped dinner, upsetting the nurse as she told him how important it was for him to eat. He still had to regain a lot of his strength and his weight was not yet back to normal. But he had shaken his head, told her he was feeling a bit under the weather and had crawled back into bed. 

The sun was long gone by the time he woke up again. He tiredly eyed his room. He had kicked off his blanket in his sleep. His room was chilly; that was a first. Or maybe he was actually starting to become sick? His skin was drenched in a thin layer of sweat, his pyjama’s sticking to him as he tried to turn around in his bed. He was craving a steaming hot shower. 

He had just managed to get himself up in a seated position, hands clamping down on his sheets on either side of him, when the door opened and a familiar figure walked in. 

“Good evening.” 

He tried his hardest to hold back all of his emotions. But the harder he tried to supress it all, the harder it came back around to slap him in the face. Tears started welling up in his eyes and he had to bite his bottom lip to stop it from trembling. He swallowed as he dared to make eye contact with Kai. 

The nurse frowned as he closed the door behind him, walking up to Chanyeol with a quick pace. “Hey,” he softly said, “what’s wrong?” 

Sometimes you try to stay strong. Not just for yourself, but for the people around you as well. But staying strong meant putting a hold on your emotions. And emotions can pile up. One glance, one word or one touch and your façade could break. 

Kai’s concern was enough to for Chanyeol. He quickly hid his face behind his hands, sobbing loudly as he hunched over, almost falling off the bed. A pair of hands was quick enough to catch him, and then they were replaced by a warm chest as those arms snaked around him. He was having a hard time breathing, his outburst of tears and sobbing was pushing the air out of his lungs, leaving little time for him to suck in fresh air. Kai was probably noticing this, as he let go of him again, lowering himself a little bit so they came face to face with each other. 

“Easy, Chanyeol. Breathe.” He dragged his words as he spoke, everything about him suddenly radiated a certain calmness. His dark but warm-coloured eyes captured Chanyeol and for a moment he was lost, even forgetting why he was crying in the first place. This gave him time to regain a normal breathing pattern, his lungs finally filling up again as he calmed down a little bit. 

“There you go,” Kai said with his lips curling up in a sweet smile. He reached out with his hand, slowly laying it against Chanyeol’s cheek. His hand felt like ice against his skin. And Kai probably felt the temperature difference as well, as his brows raised in concern. “Are you not feeling well?” 

He sniffed, blinked a couple of tears away and let out a shaky breath before he could even think of an answer. “I - no. I guess not.” His voice was a little hoarse. 

Kai pushed Chanyeol’s hair out of his face and proceeded to touch his forehead with his fingers. “Your temperature is a little high.” He stood up straight, moving towards the end of the bed where he snatched at the clipboard. “You skipped a meal?” he asked. But it was more like a statement. 

Chanyeol nodded, almost feeling like a child again as he sat there, hands folded in his lap, confessing he hadn’t eaten his dinner. 

“Why?” 

He shrugged. “Didn’t feel like it.” It earned him a sigh from the nurse. 

“Have you been feeling sick all day or only this evening?” 

He knew exactly when he had started feeling like shit. But he wasn’t sure if he would be able to talk about it. Not unless he wanted to start crying again. His head was already pounding enough thanks to his current tears. 

“Evening,” he mumbled, eyes focused on his fingers as he started fumbling with them. He saw Kai putting the clipboard away in the corner of his eyes. 

“Shall I bring you some food?” 

He slowly looked up at the concerned face of Kai. “No, thank you.” His stomach was protesting in silence, but he wasn’t craving food at all. He just wanted to feel sorry for himself for a while, preverbally alone, because he wasn’t sure how long he could hold back another outburst of tears. Especially around Kai. 

“Just promise me you’ll try to eat in the morning.” There was the stern nurse again, the one who had been mad at him when he had tried to walk to the bathroom but had passed out instead. 

“I promise.” He wasn’t planning on starving himself, after all. He was just... full of emotions. He wasn’t sure if he was able to hold anything down, let alone swallow a piece of food. 

“Were you trying to go somewhere?” 

“The shower.” Now that his tears had stopped flowing and his nose had stopped running, he felt like he needed a shower more than ever. His skin was still sticky with cold sweat. 

“I’ll help you,” he simply said and he stuck out his arm towards him as he went and stood beside his bed. “Come on.” 

Chanyeol gave him a weak smile and then stood up, taking Kai’s arm so he had something to lean on. He was already able to walk short distances by himself, but after skipping a meal, he wasn’t so confident in his walk anymore. 

He shuffled towards the door with Kai next to him. Soon enough, they were in the hallway and entered another door which held his private bathroom. 

“Sit,” Kai ordered. 

He simply did as he was told, sitting down on the closed toilet seat as Kai started unbuttoning his shirt. And then he had to stand so Kai could pull down his pants and underwear, leaving him naked and shivering even more. 

Kai quickly turned on the shower which was situated in the corner of the room and it didn’t take long for the mirror above the sink to fog up. He had already guessed he was craving a hot shower. Well, he was a nurse after all and maybe he knew hot water would help him feel better. 

“Won’t you get wet?” Chanyeol said sheepishly when he slowly made his way over to the running water. 

“Good point,” Kai said, and in a flash, he had undressed himself, neatly hanging his clothes on a few of the hooks on the wall which normally held bathrobes and towels. 

If it were any other situation, Chanyeol would’ve been slightly shocked with the fact that he hadn’t asked him to join him. But Kai seemed to be sensing what he needed. He was just one of those people; knowing when he was needed and what was to be expected of him. Chanyeol loved that about him. 

“Turn around, I’ll wash you.” 

He did as he was told, letting the hot water wash away his sweat and making his muscles relax a little bit. And then he felt strong hands gliding over his back, almost massaging him as the fingers dug into his skin a little. It felt nice. Especially when Kai’s fingers focused on his shoulders for a while. 

The clean smell of soap filled his nose. It wasn’t his own soap, it was soap from the hospital, but it still smelled rather nice to him. 

Kai’s hands finally travelled down to his lower back. And then his bottom, where his fingers lingered a little too long. But before he could make a comment about it, he moved lower, washing his legs and even his feet. 

“Turn.” 

And he did. The water was now running alongside his back, washing away the soap. He was already feeling much better with his muscles relaxed and his skin clean. 

Kai started washing his chest and he couldn’t help but look at the man in front of him. If it had been any other night, he would’ve tried to kiss him, touch him and to make him feel good. But it wasn’t any other night. He was still feeling miserable. It was just less miserable now that Kai was here. 

He kept staring at Kai’s warm eyes as he was washing him. 

When Kai was done, he looked back at Chanyeol, catching his gaze. He smiled. “I can do your hair, if you want?” 

He wasn’t going to say no to that and so he nodded, giving Kai full control again. When Kai started touching his hair with his fingers, massaging his scalp, he closed his eyes almost automatically. It felt so good. He could stay like this for a while. But he knew he wasn’t the only patient who needed help tonight. He sure hoped he was the only one who got this intimate with him, though. 

After a minute or two, Kai was running his fingers through his locks, already washing out the shampoo he had put into it. 

“All done,” he said as he pushed his fingers through his hair one more time to comb it out of his face. 

Chanyeol slowly opened his eyes, feeling calm and relaxed. Yes, he still felt sick, but it had been much worse before Kai had showed up. “Thank you.” His voice was barely a whisper. 

Kai answered by smiling. “Don’t worry, Chanyeol. I will always be here for you.” He turned off the shower and handed him a towel after Chanyeol told him he wanted to try and dry himself off. 

_I will always be here for you._ Although the words were sweet and the gesture more than kind, Chanyeol wondered what that sentence really meant. The words ‘always’ and ‘here’ were confusing to him. Did he just mean here in the hospital as long as he was a patient? Or held those words more meaning? 

He couldn’t linger on those thoughts. He took his time drying himself off and when he was done, Kai had already dressed himself up and had even gone and grabbed him a fresh pair of pyjamas. 

“It’s not really my place to be asking this, but what is troubling you?” Kai asked when they were back in the room. 

Chanyeol was sitting up straight in his bed, a pillow propped up behind his back. His eyes felt heavy after the hot shower. Kai had basically tucked him in, the blanket neatly placed over him so the cold couldn’t return to his body. 

He yawned and he quickly apologized. 

“For yawning?” Kai said, snickering softly. “Don’t be silly.” 

He swallowed, trying to find the courage to talk about what had happened hours ago. “My friend came by,” he started. “My colleague,” he added. “He told me he had overheard something while at work.” 

Kai leaned closer as he sat on his chair. “Bad news?” 

Chanyeol nodded. “They are basically kicking me out of the company.” 

Kai’s eyes widened. “Just like that?” 

“Just like that.” Chanyeol almost didn’t seemed fazed at that part, but it was because he wasn’t. The industry he worked in was harsh and it wasn’t the first time something like this has happened to an artist. It could be really unfair. 

But his story was a little different, of course. 

He pulled his gaze away from Kai. “It’s my fault, so it’s not like I can blame them.” 

“Your fault? For what exactly?” 

Chanyeol shrugged a little. “Driving while sleep drunk?” It even sounded like a question now that he said it out loud. He knew he sounded ridiculous, but he also couldn’t just shift the blame to his bosses. He was the one who crashed himself into a coma. 

Kai snorted, making Chanyeol turn his head back towards him and raise a brow. 

“Let me ask you this, Chanyeol. Did you intentionally hurt yourself that night?” 

He frowned a little, but shook his head nonetheless. 

“The only reason they're treating you like this, is because they don’t see the true value you hold.” His brows had crept together as his lips pulled tighter. It gave him an angry look. “If they’re letting you go this easily, then they aren’t worth your time and effort.” 

Chanyeol felt slightly taken aback. Kai standing up for him like this made him feel a certain type of way. There was a new warmth inside his body, slowly spreading towards all of his limbs, making them feel a little bit tingly. 

“Those are kind words,” he said. “But in the end, it’s still my fault for driving while I knew I was tired. I should’ve known better.” 

Kai suddenly leaned in closer, laying a hand on one of his legs as he looked up at him with all seriousness. “Stop blaming all of this on yourself, Chanyeol. It was an accident.” 

He hummed softly. It was. But it still didn’t sit right with him. 

“And stop asking yourself the ‘what if’ questions,” Kai continued. “You didn’t hurt anyone else.” 

Chanyeol’s eyes widened a little bit. How did he – 

Kai chuckled softly. “You have very telling eyes.” He reached out with his hand, his fingers softly stroking Chanyeol’s cheek. 

Almost on instinct, he leaned into his touch, his eyes closing. He wished he could claim him for himself tonight. He wanted nothing more than to cuddle up against him and sleep in his warm embrace. 

But Kai was working. And Chanyeol couldn’t be selfish. 

“Thank you for tonight,” Chanyeol said as he reopened his eyes, noticing how close their faces were. He could feel Kai’s breath fanning out across his face. 

His heart skipped a beat. 

How was it he was feeling such a strong pull towards a man he had only known for a couple of weeks? It wasn’t just the caring character of Kai – it was more than that. He was sweet, easy to talk to, had a good sense of humour and was just incredibly selfless. 

He had taken the time to actually get to know Chanyeol for who he was. No judgement and never discarding him as ‘just another artist’. 

“You’re more than welcome,” Kai whispered, his gaze lowering. 

Chanyeol’s eyes fluttered shut as soon as he felt Kai’s lips against his. The kiss stilled his troubled mind, making his thoughts drift towards something more peaceful. 

He reached out as well, wanting to pull Kai closer as he let his fingers touch his soft hair. He slowly deepened their kiss, his movements going a little faster, but still languid. 

He couldn’t help but let out a disappointed sound when Kai leaned back. 

“I would love to spend more time with you, but I have other patients to attend to.” He quickly pecked him on the lips before completely pulling back. 

Chanyeol could only watch as the nurse straightened his clothes and made sure he looked presentable again. He felt a pang of sadness when he saw him walking towards his door. 

Kai turned around once more, gifting him with a sweet smile as he wished him good night. And then he left, closing the door behind him. 

He kept on staring at the door for a good couple of minutes. He almost expected him to walk back in. But after a while, he knew he wasn’t going to come back. 

Sighing, he pushed the button of his bed, lowering it so he could go back to sleep. He fluffed up his pillow, pulled his blanket up a little bit higher and then laid down, staring at the ceiling. 

It was then that he realised; he hated being in the hospital, yes, but if it wasn’t for the accident, he would’ve never met Kai. 

Something good had come out of it after all. 

His family just left when one of the doctors entered his room. Chanyeol sat next to the open window, the sun hitting one side of his face as he was leaning back against the wall. He was actually enjoying the warmth for once. 

When he woke up that morning, he hadn’t felt sick anymore. Maybe the stress from knowing he was basically getting fired had gotten to him. It had made him feel sick. And if it wasn’t for Kai, he would’ve probably been sick still. 

“How are you feeling, Chanyeol?” the doctor asked as he casually sat down on his bed, facing him and the window. 

Chanyeol kept his gaze on the blue sky for a moment longer before redirecting his attention to the man in front of him. “I’m okay,” he said. He couldn’t say ‘good’. There was nothing good about his current situation. And the doctors and nurses were already used to his answer, knowing they weren’t going to be getting more out of him. 

The doctor nodded, his eyes traveling over Chanyeol’s body. “You increased your muscle mass and your fine motor skills are improving each day. I think you have a good shot at recovering fully.” The skin next to his eyes wrinkled as he smiled at him. “We’re already looking into moving you to rehabilitation with other patients. How do you feel about stepping it up a little bit? I can schedule more trainings if you want?” 

This made Chanyeol pipe up in his seat. “Yes, of course!” he said, feeling enthusiasm coursing through him as he realised how close he was to getting his life back to normal. Or, well, mostly back to normal. He wouldn’t be working at the same company anymore. And he might still not recover fully, but as long as he could sing and produce – and hopefully dance a little bit too, he’d be the happiest man alive. 

“Good,” the doctor said approvingly. “I’ll make sure you’ll get more appointments.” 

“Thank you,” Chanyeol smiled back at him. He couldn’t wait to get out of this place. He would be switching to a different wing any time now, and then he would be leaving as soon as he didn’t need all the help anymore. He could still follow up all of his appointments while spending the rest of his time at home. A place where the white walls weren’t closing in on him and where he wasn’t reminded of ill and dying people every moment of the day. 

_You won’t be seeing Kai anymore._

He froze. 

“Chanyeol?” 

He quickly pushed the thought of not seeing Kai anymore out of his head. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m fine.” He’d probably looked like he had seen a ghost all of a sudden. 

The doctor didn’t seem so sure of his answer, but didn’t question him any further about it. “Is there anything I can do for you at the moment?” It was just a kind gesture – a question they all asked before they left him to continue their tasks. 

Chanyeol was about to say he didn’t need anything, when a beeping sound interrupted their conversation. 

The doctor quickly pulled out a small device from his white coat pocket, frowning as he looked at the tiny screen. His face coloured as light as the coat he was wearing. It made Chanyeol wonder what kind of a message he had received. Surely, a doctor was used to getting called to urgent matters – or rather, critical patients. 

The man put the thing away and looked up at him, a forced smile now playing on his lips as he raised from the bed. “I’m sorry, duty calls,” he said, and with that, he left. 

The day went by in a flash. Chanyeol received a new schedule with more focus on his rehabilitation. It left him with less spare time – which was a good thing. He dreaded sitting in his room alone with nothing to do and no one to speak to. He could grab his wheelchair and socialize in one of the so called ‘living rooms’ inside the hospital, but he never really felt like it. He needed his friends, his family. But they all had their busy lives as well, he couldn’t expect them to be around 24/7. 

After dinner, he listened to some music as he hung his new schedule on the bulletin board. It was decorated with a few ‘get well soon’ cards, as well as pictures of him and his friends. His mother had even put up a picture of his dog, Toben. 

He spared a glance at the clock. It was only nine in the evening. Kai wouldn’t show up until around midnight. He had some time to kill. 

Grabbing one of the weights on his table, he started a series of exercises specifically made for him. It helped him regain muscle in his arms as well as motoric skills in his hands and fingers. 

He kept going even when his muscles started protesting. He wanted to keep himself occupied. His mind would drift off to unpleasant thoughts as soon as he would be given the time to think. 

For instance; would he be able to see Kai again when he was no longer in the hospital? He liked to think so. They could still meet up when they both had time, right? 

He put down the weight, catching his breath as he dragged himself towards his bed. As he laid down, he thought about the possibilities. He wouldn’t be working soon anyway. It was completely up to Kai at this point – if and when they would meet. 

Something fluttered inside his chest as he pictured Kai’s face. His smile always managed to silence him. The man always radiated calmness, and his voice was sweet and low, his skin like honey and his eyes dark pools of chocolate. 

He bit his lip thinking about him. He had never felt like this before with anyone else and he wasn’t sure what to call it. Should he even give a name to it? Why not let it be a mystery – something only the two of them enjoyed once they were in each other’s company. 

Kai had given him more pleasure than he had received and Chanyeol felt a little bit bad about it. He wished to return it soon, when he had more strength and stamina. Maybe when they were back at his place... 

He couldn’t help but smile. He loved the feeling of having someone around who he could be intimate with. But Kai wasn’t just ‘someone’. 

_You love him._

He quickly sat up in bed. His heart pounding in his throat as his fingers gripped the sheets beneath him. The realisation of his true feelings almost hit him as hard as the collision he had caused weeks ago. 

“I... love him,” he whispered. He could cry. But this time out of happiness and not out of sorrow or despair. 

But he didn’t weep, for he knew he was seeing the man in about an hour or so. He had an hour to make up his mind – would he tell him or not? Would he be able to keep it to himself? 

His lips couldn’t frown any longer, there was a constant smile on his face from that moment on. 

Minutes ticked away on the clock and all he could do was sit on the end of his bed, his legs dangling over the edge as he was having a hard time finding words. Words he was going to speak when his favourite nurse would show up with his greeting. 

But Kai never came. Minutes turned into an hour. And then more hours followed. 

Chanyeol almost gave up hope, when finally, the door swung open. 

His smile fell. 

“Where’s Kai?” he asked when an unknown nurse entered his room. The guy seemed to be the same age as Kai, he even had the same build, but he wasn’t Kai. 

“I’m afraid he couldn’t work tonight,” he said, a ghost of a smile on his face. Something was wrong. “But don’t worry, I’ve been given his notes and will do my best to keep up with the pace he –” 

“When will he come back?” Chanyeol knew he was being rude by interrupting him, but he was a lovestruck fool who had only just discovered how deeply in love he was. 

The guy tore his eyes away from him, staring at the clipboard in his hands as if the information was somehow contained in Kai’s scribbles. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.” 

What did he mean he couldn’t say? Surely, he knew where he was or how long he wouldn’t be able to work. Or had he taken a holiday? 

“I’m afraid you’ll have to ask one of the doctors tomorrow. I usually don’t work in this part of the hospital, so I’m unfamiliar with their schedules.” 

“But you’ve been given Kai’s work. Didn’t they tell you something?” Maybe he was being a bit too nosy right now, but he was so used to having Kai around – him being gone felt like something was off. Or maybe... maybe he wasn’t visiting him on purpose. Like last time when he had skipped on him a few days when Chanyeol had been crying and had reminded him of his ill sister. 

Had he been too dramatic again? 

Maybe... 

The nurse’s mouth went into a thin line. He had had enough of him, it seemed. “I’m sorry, no.” And he left no time for Chanyeol to question him anymore, as he went to check up on him. Something Chanyeol quickly started to hate. He was okay with it when Kai did it. But now it just felt like a waste of time. 

“I’m fine,” he snapped. 

The nurse sighed. “Just press the button next to your bed when you need anything, okay?” 

He nodded, turning his face away from the guy as he stared at the dark night sky. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. His mind was pondering and he felt anxious. When the nurse bid him goodnight and closed the door, he looked at the clock. It was now three in the morning. 

Normally, after Kai left, he would fall asleep swiftly. But sleep wouldn’t come tonight. Something told him Kai hadn’t just left work. Maybe he was in trouble. 

It was at this moment Chanyeol realised he didn’t know enough about him to be guessing his whereabouts. He knew he lived nearby in an apartment. And his sister was either in this hospital or somewhere else – he hadn’t dared to ask. It wasn’t like Kai never spoke about his life, but he never shared many details. He had this smooth way of talking, easily re-directing the subject towards the other person. 

He felt bad for not trying hard enough. He should’ve asked more – but then again, he never really wanted to pry. 

In silence he pondered. What if his sister – 

Chanyeol’s eyes widened. What if he had lost his sister? Kai was dealing with so many struggles on his own, and yet he had comforted him last night, even helping him shower. Was Chanyeol really being so selfish? Had he really not seen any signs on Kai’s face? 

No, he hadn’t. He had been too occupied with his own misery. 

He chewed on his lip. He couldn’t sleep anyway, maybe he could find out if Kai’s sister is – or was – staying in this hospital. 

A couple of minutes later, he was standing outside of his room with his walker. Kai had arranged for him to have one. This way he could walk around while still being able to hold onto something. It had helped him a lot with his exercises. 

He had put on flipflops and a robe so he wouldn’t be wandering around in his pyjamas. 

The hallways were darker than usual. They always were at night. The wheels of his walker made no sound as he pushed it forward. The only sound came from his flipflops. 

He wasn’t sure where he was going. There wouldn’t be a lot of staff present and he really didn’t want to face the nurse he had just met again. He walked until he came across an administration area. Normally, two or three nurses would be present, typing away, filing new information or answering questions. But it was abandoned at this hour of night. 

He looked around him, silently hoping someone would pop up and help him answer his questions. But no one came. Peaking over the counter, he saw turned off computers and a few closed cabinets. He probably couldn’t get any information here. And he wasn’t about to break open a few locks for the small chance of finding files of Kai’s sister. 

Letting out a big sigh, he leaned on his walker so he could rub his face. He pushed back his hair with his fingers, remembering how Kai had done the same. 

Then he thought of something. There had to be a staff room somewhere. Maybe he could find Kai’s phone number there? It wasn’t an unrealistic thought. 

On the wall across from the desk hung a floorplan. He quickly made his way over there and started squinting at all the little squares and rectangles which represented rooms. Almost all of them had the room numbers written inside of them, but some were empty. There was a red dot where he was standing, and close to him was a larger room which held no description. He could try. 

Making his way over there, he noticed the door wasn’t closed. And when he nudged it open with his walker, he knew he had done well in guessing this to be the staff room. The new nurse had probably forgotten about closing the door – maybe nervous to start a shift he wasn’t familiar with. Well, Chanyeol didn’t mind. 

He made his way in and looked around as the lights flickered on. There was a small kitchen on the right and a large round table in the centre of the room. On the left were a few couches and a television. 

“There has to be something,” he mumbled to himself, his eyes scanning the room. And then he saw a large whiteboard at the end of the kitchen. As he came closer, he noticed a lot of magnets holding up papers. And between the papers were scribbles of markers. He wasn’t really sure what he was reading, so he decided to look through the documents. 

After a minute of quickly reading the papers, he came to the conclusion he didn’t know a thing about how the staff here worked. There were lots of words and abbreviations he had never heard about. 

He was about to give up hope when he saw rows of digits. His heartrate quickened. There were names next to the digits. Phone numbers! 

His eyes quickly searched for the familiar name and he had to do a second take when he forgot Kai’s real name was actually Jongin. 

_Kim_ _Jongin_ _._ He couldn’t believe it. He had found his phone number! 

He tore a piece of blank paper from one of the other documents and snatched a marker of the board. After he had written down his phone number, he knew he had to get out of here. He wouldn’t exactly be able to lie his way out of a staff room, saying he was lost or searching for a bathroom. 

He left the door open when he walked into the hallway in case it had been left open on purpose. 

Now he just had to find a phone – or maybe he should walk back to his room and text him with his own phone. Calling Kai in the middle of the night might not be the wisest thing to do. And so, he walked back to his room, quickly grabbing his mobile from the charger and putting in Kai’s number. He saved it under ‘Nurse Kai’ and then opened the text messages. 

He stopped. What should he write? He wasn’t even supposed to have his number. And for a moment he felt silly. What if he was overreacting? He sucked in a breath. But what if he wasn’t? 

Groaning, he stared at the screen as he sat down on his bed. He was just worried, that wasn’t a bad thing, right? 

His fingers ran across the screen as he typed in a short message. 

**_Are you okay? Just checking up on you like you always do on me._ **

**_Chanyeol_ **

He hit send. The only thing left for him to do, was to wait. He could go for another round, try and find another nurse or doctor... 

No. Yes. No. 

He put his phone in the pocket of his robe and held onto his walker. Sleep was out of the question, so he’d rather make good use of his night. 

He wandered around the hallways. He wasn’t the only one who was awake, it seemed. He had already passed a few other patients who were going to the bathroom or making a stroll as well. He nodded politely, but had no interest in speaking with any of them. 

After a few minutes, he was met with closed doors. It was the Intensive Care. 

“Can I help you?” 

He almost jumped, but quickly regained his posture as he turned around to face a woman who was dressed in blue. A nurse. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you,” she said, giggling a bit. 

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol replied, quickly flashing her a reassuring smile. “I - eh, I was looking for my friend.” 

Her brows raised a little, but her contagious smile didn’t falter. “And who might this friend be?” 

“You might now him? He’s a nurse here. He isn’t working tonight and I – well, I was just worried,” he said, quickly adding a ‘I guess’ to make himself sound less... dramatic. “His name is Kai.” 

Something flashed across her expression, and it had only been for a split-second, but Chanyeol had seen it. She knew Kai. Her smile suddenly didn’t seem sincere anymore. 

“Yes,” she said. “I know Kai.” She looked around for a moment and then looked back at him. “Come. Let’s go somewhere with a little bit of privacy.” She led the way, opening the doors to the Intensive Care and then went inside one of the chambers on the left. She held the door open for him and closed it as soon as he had stepped inside. 

It was a small room with a table, the tiniest kitchen and a few chairs. A breakroom, probably. 

She sat down and so did he, not knowing what type of a conversation she was about to have with him. Her smile was no longer present, making Chanyeol stomach turn. This didn’t look good. 

“You’re Chanyeol, aren’t you?” 

He nodded slowly. It wasn’t new to have people knowing who he was – he was an artist after all. But here, in the hospital, he was no longer that artist. He was just Park Chanyeol who was recovering from a coma. 

The corners of her lips tugged upwards for just a few seconds before falling down again. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

This surprised him. “Really?” He leaned back in his chair and laid one hand on his pocket. If Kai were to text back, he would feel his phone buzzing. 

“It didn’t go completely unnoticed how long Kai would spend in your room during his shifts.” 

A blush crept onto his cheeks. Somehow, he had never really given much thought to it. But now that she mentioned it – it must’ve been so painfully obvious. 

“Don’t worry,” she quickly said, her face brightening up a little bit. “I think it’s cute.” And then she seemed to realise what she said, and all the joy was sucked out of her expression. “Listen, I don’t want to drag this out, you deserve to know the truth about him.” 

He swallowed as he felt the sudden urge to throw up. What was going on? 

“Please, tell me.” His voice broke. Something told him he wasn’t going to get a text back. Not tonight. Not ever. “Is he-” 

She shook her head. “No, but he’s not doing well, Chanyeol.” 

This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real. And yet, this nightmare was the harsh reality. 

Chanyeol fought back tears as he averted his gaze, looking anywhere but at her. “W-why?” he managed to ask without breaking down. He made sure to take deep breaths to calm himself. But he wasn’t succeeding. 

“Has he told you about his sister?” 

He nodded. “Yes, why?” 

“Well, as you might know, she’s very ill. And she’s here, in our hospital.” 

Chanyeol’s eyes snapped towards hers. So, his hunch was correct. She was here after all. It made sense – Kai living nearby, working long nights and even taking over shifts. It was all because of her. 

“She has a rare autoimmune disease and her treatment is _very_ expensive.” 

“But doesn’t insurance –” 

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “They have to pay everything themselves.” 

“You’re kidding,” he said breathlessly. 

She grimaced a little bit. “I wish I were.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “Kai has been working his ass off to save money for her. Working too much, even. And it turns out he has been finding other ways to earn money.” She gave Chanyeol a look, almost as if he had to know what she meant by that. “Illegal ways,” she then added. 

He silently gasped, his fingers digging into the fabric of his robe as his whole body felt tense. 

“We knew something was wrong when he came to work with a black eye and a split brow. But sometimes it’s hard to pull the truth out of someone. He kept insisting it was an accident. How he had walked into the wrong neighbourhood at the wrong at the wrong time.” 

That’s what he had told him too. Chanyeol hadn’t bought it either. Kai wasn’t a good liar. 

She sighed deeply. “Well, it turns out he had indeed walked into the wrong neighbourhood at the wrong moment, but it had been intentional. As crazy as it sounds, he was helping someone out who was part of the mafia.” 

“What?!” How looks could be deceiving. Kai had seemed so sweet and innocent, and yet, he had been working for the mafia? 

She gestured with her hands for him to calm down. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. He was like an errant boy. Carrying out small tasks, delivering messages and trading out drugs.” She had tried to make it sound less bad, but it still sounded insane to Chanyeol. 

“And he did all of this... for money?” 

“Yes. For his sister.” 

He had a hard time breathing. He tried to relax his body into the chair, but his muscles wouldn’t let him. He was too tense. 

“And then – what happened?” 

“We don’t know for sure. The police are still investigating. All we know is he probably failed at a task and they didn’t take it lightly. They took it out on him.” 

He couldn’t imagine what they had done to him. His black eye and split brow had already looked bad enough. What had they done this time? 

“Is he – is he here?” 

“Yes.” She frowned for a moment, looking at her watch and then back at Chanyeol. “Do you want to see him?” 

He quickly nodded, sitting upright immediately. 

“I have to warn you, Chanyeol. It’s not a pretty sight.” 

He didn’t dare to open his mouth, he could only give her a look that said ‘go on.’ 

“Okay,” she said. And then she led the way again, this time taking him further into the IC. He kept his eyes trained on her back, not wanting to look around as doctors, nurses and patients surrounded him. 

There were no rooms here, only beds hidden behind green curtains. He could hear a woman moaning in pain as they passed a closed curtain and he shivered, not wanting to imagine what had happened to her. 

The nurse in front of him stopped walking and she gestured for him to stay put. He waited nervously as she slipped behind the curtain, probably to check if it was okay for him to enter. She came back after a few seconds, opening the curtain enough for him to walk through. 

He gasped for air when he saw him. His fingers turned white as he grasped his walker tightly and he quickly walked to the side of his bed so he could sit down on the seat of his walker. 

“He’s stable for now, but they’re waiting for the results of the scan to see if they should operate him.” 

Chanyeol heard her words, but somehow, they didn’t really register. He had only eyes for Kai. 

There was a tube in his mouth, probably the same tube Chanyeol had pulled out of his throat when he had woken up from his coma. It was horrible to see on somebody else. But that wasn’t the thing that shocked him the most. Kai’s old wound had been reopened, although it wasn’t bleeding any more now, it certainly had before as some of the blood had dried up around it. His eye seemed darker than before, as if they had hit him again. His lip was split. There was dried blood on his nose. His chest wasn’t covered, revealing large bruises and one spot was completely covered in bandages. 

The nurse had probably seen him staring. “They stabbed him multiple times.” 

He quickly looked at the nurse, seeing her blurry figure as his eyes had filled up with tears. He almost didn’t dare to look back at Kai, afraid he would discover even more wounds. 

“Why do they need a scan?” he asked softly, his fingers fumbling with the fabric of his robe. He was shaking so badly, he almost thought the nurse was going to comment on it. But she didn’t. 

“Internal damage,” she answered. She didn’t dive into details, which he was grateful for. He wasn’t sure how he would take it. 

While Chanyeol went back to stare at Kai, another person entered and started checking up on his unconscious body. The two women started a conversation with each other, but Chanyeol couldn’t hear a word they were saying. 

He felt so terribly bad. He wished he had known. If only he had asked more about his sister – if only... 

_And stop asking yourself the ‘what if’ questions._ Kai’s words softly floated through his mind. A sob escaped his lips and he quickly wiped away his tears. He was right. It didn’t do well to keep dwelling on those questions, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to blame someone for all of this. And the first person he could think of was himself. 

“Chanyeol, we have to go.” The nurse laid a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back to reality. “Come.” 

A team of people came rushing in when Chanyeol walked past the curtain and his eyes widened. 

“It’s alright, they’re going to take him to the operating room.” Her voice was calm and it comforted him the tiniest bit. If she was calm, everything would be alright. Kai would get operated on, and then he would rest and heal. Just like Chanyeol had done. 

They got out of the IC and the nurse walked him all the way back to his room. 

She grabbed a tissue from his nightstand and wrote something down. “Here,” she said, handing it to him. “You can call this number if you need me, okay?” 

He looked at her handwriting, staring unnecessary long at it. “Thank you,” he mumbled. 

“Hey,” she said softly, laying her hand against his shoulder. “Let’s stay positive.” 

Positive. How? He blinked at her, even frowning a little as he couldn’t really think of a way to answer her. Luckily, he didn’t have to, as she wished for him to sleep and then went back to the IC. 

He sat on his bed, back against his raised matrass with his pillow behind him. His blanket barely covering his legs as he hadn’t taken the effort to cover himself with it. He was still wearing his robe with his phone stuffed in his pocket. 

What was he supposed to do now? What was he even supposed to feel? 

There he was, discovering he had strong feelings for Kai, only to find out he was potentially dying. 

His gaze was locked with the wall across from him. He couldn’t even blink. Time suddenly didn’t exist as he felt his conscious drift off to someplace else. He wasn’t even sure where his mind went – somewhere far away from him being in the hospital where he was surrounded by misery. 

Rain pelting hard against his window an hour later, brought him back to reality like lightning striking the ground. 

It was almost six in the morning. The sun would soon rise again and the day would continue like any other day. But not for Chanyeol, not for Kai, and not for Kai’s sister and the rest of his family. Even the warmth of the sun couldn’t touch the darkest moments in a hospital. 

He stared at the rain for a while. It put him in a peaceful trance. And after a while, his eyes closed on their own, making him drift off into a restless slumber. 

**I love you.**

He hit send and put his phone back in his pocket. He drank the last of his coffee and then cleaned his kitchen a little bit. 

Standing in front of his mirror, he fixed his tie. A lock of his long dark hair had stubbornly fallen into his face again and he sighed, deciding he would leave it. After tying his shoelaces, it was time to go. One of Kai’s family members was picking him up. And as he stood outside, he quickly noticed it was his uncle who pulled up with his car. 

“Hello, Chanyeol,” the man said, equally as dressed up as he was. 

“Hey,” he simply greeted him as he got in next to him. 

They drove in silence. When they arrived, a familiar face was already staring in their direction. 

“I’m glad you came,” she said as Chanyeol made his way over. She gave him a long hug, one they both needed. 

“Of course,” he whispered as he hugged her petite figure which was clothed in white. 

As she leaned back, he couldn’t help but gaze in her chocolate brown eyes. She quickly noticed his staring and a small smile appeared on her lips. She quickly kissed him on the cheek and then grabbed his hand. For someone on the outside it might’ve looked like a kiss from a lover, but to them it was something more than that, something even stronger. 

They both shared the same sorrow and had fought a similar battle. A battle they had both won. But there was a time of winning and a time of losing. 

The sorrow was part of a lost battle. One where they had been standing on the side line, helpless and confused. And at the end, there had been anger as well. But when all of the frustration had ebbed away, sorrow and love remained. A love so deep, it hurt to even think about it. 

“He would’ve been so proud of you,” Chanyeol said as they stood in front of the closed doors. 

Her smile grew wider. “I know. Thank you, Chanyeol.” Something somber flashed across her face. “But he certainly would’ve been prouder of you. I don’t know if I can ever repay you.” 

He gently shook his head. “Repay me by living your life to the fullest. It's what he would’ve wanted.” 

They shared a moment of silence. 

A male voice came from behind them, “I’ll take her from here.” 

Chanyeol stepped aside, letting her father take his place. He had a hard time looking at the man as he resembled his son too much. 

The man nodded at him in a way only fathers could. 

Chanyeol returned the gesture with a small smile. He made sure he wasn’t in the view when the doors opened and the music started playing. He only peaked around the corner for a little while, watching them walk down the aisle. 

His heart ached. For a moment, he closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and grabbed his phone. 

**I miss you.**

He hit send, knowing fully well his words would never reach his nurse. 

**Author's Note:**

> And on that dramatic note, this story comes to an end. 
> 
> I'm super curious as to how others have read this story, so if you have the time, please leave me a comment (tips are more than welcome too!).


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